Page 101 of From London, With Love

Carter holds my gaze, and my chest squeezes at his expression; it’s a painful combination of admiration, hurt, and what I can only describe as adoration.

“Lara.” He says it as if it’s a promise. “Should you feel nothing for me, tell me now and I’ll leave.”?

“You don’t get it, Carter, I can’t do this.” I drop my hand from where it connects with his, expecting him to do the same. Rather than breaking contact altogether, Carter tenderly wraps his hands around my elbows, softly tugging me toward him.?

“Lara, please.” The pleading in his eyes only worsens the squeezing in my chest. “Help me understand.”?

I open my mouth to say something, anything, but I realise I don’t know where to begin. My jaw hangs open for a moment, my brain not immediately processing the fact there are no words coming out.?

“It can’t be real.” My voice cracks on the last word, and a tear escapes through my lashes as I attempt to blink back the imminent onslaught.

The rings on my middle finger feel heavier than ever.

The moment Carter notices the tear, his face crumples. “What can’t be real?”

Steadying myself, I take a deep breath. There was always the possibility this conversation would happen, but I’m still unprepared. My knees wobble at the thought.

“It can’t be real,” I repeat, closing my eyes and summoning every ounce of courage I can, “because if it’s real, I can be broken. I don’t want to break Carter. I refuse to.”

I open my eyes once more, noticing the furrowing of Carter’s brows through a tear-blurred vision.?

“Talk to me.Please.” His voice is so soft it threatens to pry open the restraint I have on my tears. “I can see this isn’t easy for you, but please talk to me. I want to understand.”?

“Can we sit?”?

Immediately, Carter lets go of my arms, nodding, and takes a seat once more.?

I feel like I need more time to prepare for this conversation. Or more alcohol. Perhaps both? Unfortunately, there’s a severe lack of both, so a deep breath will have to do.

I join Carter, tucking my legs up beneath me and resting my shoulder against the back of the couch.

“There’s a reason I don’t say much about my dad.” I twist the rings around, finding comfort in the familiar feel of them. “My parents had been married for ten years when he decided we weren’t enough for him anymore; my mother wasn’t enough. Thirteen years together, ten years of marriage, two children, and all it took was one decision made by my father to ruin it all.”

I’ve given up fighting the tears; it was always going to be a losing battle. Concentrating on my fingers rather than Carter’s steady force in front of me, I continue.?

“People say love conquers all, but that couldn’t be farther from the truth. Love destroys. It destroyed my mother the day my dad went home with someone else. I refuse to let it destroy me.”

My gaze remains trained on my fingers fidgeting in my lap. Locks of hair cascade around me as though someone’s drawn the curtains over my face.?

“You can’t spend your entire life keeping everyone at arm's length, love.”

My heart skips a beat as Carter reaches out to tuck one of the stray strands of hair behind my ear. His fingers draw from the shell of my ear to the underside of my jaw, his touch lingering. In the blink of an eye, my heartbeat is as steady as ever. As if his touch grounds me.

“You push people away, telling yourself it means nothing,and I’d agree typically it would mean nothing. ButIknowyouknow this is different.Weare different.”

I want to argue, to tell him he’s wrong, but I’m losing the fight I had in me before. His words terrify me, but somehow they’re also clarifying. Everything he’s saying is true, as though nothing has ever made more sense than the two of us, together.?

“This was never meant to be more than a casual thing,” I continue with a sniff. “I didn’t want anything serious, but you managed to take down my walls and let yourself in without me even noticing.”

“That’s where you’re wrong. This was never going to be just a casual thing, Lara. I knew from the moment I met you, when I was simultaneously mesmerised and mortified, that we were brought together for a reason.”

I let out a wet laugh as more tears stream down my face.?

“I know you’re scared. Fuck, so am I. But if there’s one thing I know for sure, it’s that there’s nothing we can’t face side by side.”

This man has come to know me better than I ever imagined he would. The world certainly works in mysterious ways.?

“You’re somehow everything I never wanted, and yet the man I dreamed of one day meeting. I’m a contradiction within myself; I spent so many years believing I needed to settle down, marry, maybe have a few children, and everything would be right, yet I’ve avoided anything that felt remotely serious.”

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