Page 83 of From London, With Love

“Harper, we don’t do dinner.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

“There doesn’t need to be a first time for this though.” Even to my own ears, I sound ridiculous. I’m trying to argue my way out of having dinner with a guy who I quite happily let feel me up on a semi-regular basis.

“You can’t sit there and honestly tell me you don’t want to have dinner with him, can you?”

I’m shocked the word ‘yes’ doesn’t immediately fall from my lips and even more shocked that the mere thought of outright denying it is almost painful. Noticing my hesitation, Harper beams.

“Ha, I knew it!”

“I think like you’re forgetting two key facts here, Harps; one being this little game we’re playing has an expiration date of just a few months, and the second being I don’t want anything serious. Believe it or not, I kind of like things the way they are.”

“Oh, darling Lara, you can be so naive sometimes.” Harper takes a seat on the couch again, crossing her legs beneath her and turning to face me. “Every time you come home after seeing Carter, you’re in a wonderful mood, regardless of whether it’s after work, after sex, or both. Perhaps it’s the post-orgasm bliss lingering,orperhaps there’s something there to unpack.” She taps me on the knee, raising a brow in question.

I swat playfully at her hand. “I think you’re being a bit ridiculous, Harps. Did you ever think maybe I’m in a wonderful mood all the time since being in London?” At the same time the words leave my mouth, a part of me wonders if maybe Harper isn’t being entirely ridiculous. But I shut that down right away because,of courseshe is. This is a bit of temporary fun and stress relief with someone who’s become my friend. Nothing more.?

“There’s no doubt you seem much happier here than you did when you were in Aus, but there’s something extra after you’ve seen him. And while we’re talking about it, let’s not forget you don’t even have a return date, which makes your stay kind of indefiniteright now.”

I can’t help but laugh. “You’re looking too far into this; it’s really not that deep.” I pointedly ignore the part about not having a return date. I have no argument there, and Harper knows it.

“So you’re going to turn him down then?”

Without thinking, I blurt out, “No.” Her lips pull into a smug smile, and I want to slap myself. “W-what I meant is I’m not going to straight up turn him down,” I say, failing miserably at backtracking. “I’ll, uh, let him down easy.”

“Is that what you want to do?”

“Well, it would be rude to just shut him down.”

Harper pins me with a look that saysget a grip.“That’s not what I was referring to, and you know it. Do you really want to say no?”

I sit silently for a moment, playing it out in my head. What happens if I say no? Carter either continues to see me in a casual sense or moves on to other prospects, there are no hard feelings, and everything is as it was before we started sleeping together. Except now, the thought of Carter moving on to other women, as I’ve seen him do before me, puts my stomach in knots.

What happens if I say yes? I get a lovely home-cooked meal, get to spend time with Carter in his comfort place, and I’ll probably have some of the best sex of my life—it’s been like that with Carter since the night in Norcaster. Don’t get me wrong, this all sounds wonderful because itiswonderful, but it’s not tomorrow I’m worried about. If I say yes, it’s what comes after that concerns me. Will he want more than one dinner? Will he make love to me and lie with me until the early hours? Will he do all the things I’ve always wanted from a man and make me fall in love with him, only to turn around and break my heart further down the track??

It’s what comes after that has me overthinking his simple text, because it’s really not simple at all.?

“What are you thinking? I can see the wheels turning behind your eyes.” Harper taps a finger to my forehead.

“If I say yes to dinner, he’s going to think I’m saying yes to more.”

“I think you’re overestimating him; he’s a male, after all. They don’t tend to think too deeply into things.”

“Good point; gave him too much credit for a second there.”

We both giggle.

“Say yes, Lara. Let the pretty man cook you dinner and then have you for dessert; lord knows you deserve it.”

I sputter out a cough as I almost choke on my mouthful of pizza.

“Has anyone ever told you you have a way with words?”

“Every day.” Harper hands my phone back. The cursor flashes on the screen, taunting me. “Now, say yes before you overthink yourself out of it.”

For the second time in a matter of weeks, I find myself muttering two words: fuck it.

Me

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