Page 95 of From London, With Love

“Don’t worry, love, I’m not going anywhere.”

She looks up at me then, her features softening. Her lips part slightly, pulling into a small smile as my words sink in. Ican’t be sure whether she caught the double meaning or not, but the way she looks at me gives me hope.

“Tea?” I ask, wanting to break the tension.

“Please.”

As I make up our cups, I picture a lifetime like this. Evenings filled with candlelit dinners, quiet moments, her head on my chest as she sleeps soundly, and all the laughter, love, and orgasms my heart desires.

Though unexpected, the thought doesn’t scare me. If anything, I welcome it. I’m not quick enough to quell the hope that surfaces at the thought of spending every evening, and the early hours that follow, the way I’ve spent this one.

Chapter 41

Lara

From my spot on the couch, I have a clear view of three things: the romcom currently playing, the bay window overlooking the little alleyway, and 80% of the time-telling devices in the house—the latter are all making me painfully aware it’s 9:00pm, and I haven’t heard a peep from Carter today.

I’m sure he has a valid reason for not being in contact. He’s in Paris on a business trip after all, and it’s not unusual for him to be a little silent whilst he’s away, but it’s Tuesday, AKA our Two Truths and a Lie Day, and he’s never missed one since he instigated it. He has a pretty heavy schedule whilst in Paris—I’d know; I booked most of it—but I can’t help the deflated feeling coming over me.?

Perhaps he ended up having a free night and found a beautiful Parisian woman to spend the evening with. Perhaps I’ll see them in the tabloids tomorrow morning. Perhaps the way he makes me feel when I’m with him isn’t special, it’s how he treats everyone. Perhaps I’m just an idiot.

I’m not quick enough to stop the lone tear from slidingdown my cheek. I watch as it lands silently on my thigh, the physical manifestation of my spiralling thoughts. Without warning, the floodgates open, the tears streaking through my makeup at a rapid pace.

The noise of the front door opening sounds worlds away. Not even the fear of being seen like this can break me out of the trance I’ve found myself in. I only look up when white sneakers appear in front of me. Mia stands over me, her face etched with concern. Rather than speaking, she plucks the tissue box from the coffee table and places it in my hand.?

“I’ll be right back,” Mia says after I’ve dabbed at my face within an inch of the tissue’s life. She gives my shoulder a small squeeze before retreating into the kitchen.?

Ten minutes and several tissues later, Mia returns with a bright blue cocktail in each hand.

“I figured we could use these.” Handing me one of the Screaming O drinks, Mia takes a seat beside me, curling her feet up beneath her. She takes a long sip, humming her approval, before turning toward me. With a sad smile, she places a hand on my knee and asks, “What’s going on?”

The small gesture pulls at my heartstrings. Looking up at the ceiling to quell the fresh onslaught of tears, I dab at my lower lash line with a fresh tissue before answering. “I just feel so lost.”?

Mia doesn’t say anything. Instead, she waits for me to continue. I sniffle, folding and unfolding the tissue in my hand. Mia’s hand closes over mine, halting the fidgeting.

“I thought I’d have my life figured out by now, but I’m somehow the complete opposite. I enjoy my job, but it’s not my dream job—I don’t even know if I have a dream job. Or a dream life. Shouldn’t I have it figured out by now? God, younger me would be so disappointed in the lack of progress I’ve made.”

I’m halfway to 28, but somehow I’m less sure of myselfthan I was at 22. I can’t help but feel as though I’ve let my younger self down by not having achieved certain things by now. Growing up, I always thought I’d be married to the love of my life by this age, living in the home we’d created together over the years, and maybe even with a baby. Now? I’m single, casually sleeping with the perfect guy, and I can’t even say for certain I want children.

Beside me, Mia lets out a small sigh. “Has anyone ever told you you put far too much pressure on yourself?”

I let out a wet laugh. “A couple might have.”

“I’m going to give you a piece of advice. It might come across as harsh, but please know it comes from a place of love.”

It still humours me Mia thinks she needs to preface her advice this way as if she’s ever not straight to the point. Although it’s often a harsh truth, it’s always meant with love. I brace myself, truly unsure where this is about to go.

Mia reaches for my cocktail, placing them both on the table. She grabs my hands in her own and places them on her knees.

“You need to let go of the unrealistic expectations you put on yourself as a child, because you were just that—achild. We had no idea what being an adult was really like when we decided our dreams at seven years old.”

“You should consider a career in psychology.”

“Stop deflecting with humour, this is serious.” Mia smacks our intertwined hands against her knees. “You need to embrace the unknown, my girl. Despite your beliefs, life doesn’t have to be meticulously planned out all the time.”

It’s times like these I’m reminded of how well this girl really knows me. It goes to show time is only a number. Someone who’s known you for less than two years can learn to know you better than someone who’s known you your entire life.?

“We’re still young, Lars. We have so much time. And as fordisappointing your younger self, need I remind you that you’ve movedhalfway across the world? You left your comfort zone in the largest way possible, and that shit takes serious courage. Young Lara would be so damn proud of the strong woman she’s become. Your mum is always so proud of you too, don’t forget.”

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