Page 57 of Say It Isn't So

I chuckled, remembering the first time she had tried pickled onions, actually. “Do you remember when you had them at my parents’ house? You asked my mom if she had a cough drop because you were worried the burn would affect your voice.”

She swatted my arm, joining in and laughing, too. “That’s so not funny. My mom told me that my vocals were delicate and that I couldn’t take them for granted, that my voice could become hoarse and deep.”

I shook my head as we continued eating. Leave it to Rina to worry about that. “And that was your biggest fear.”

“A deep voice? Yes, absolutely.”

“Now what’s your biggest fear?”

“Thin lips.”

“What?” I arched a brow. “You can’t be serious.” If this was going to work and she wanted to fight for me, and I was going to give her a chance—usa chance—then she had to open up. She had to be vulnerable. Because Rina Blum hadn’t been an open book, but I’d known everything about her—what had made her tick, what she’d liked, what she’d needed and when she’d needed it. She’d once told me wrapped up in my arms was her favorite place to be because they acted as a shield, keeping her safe from everything that scared her in the outside world—the unknown, the known, all of it. I didn’t feel like I knew squat about Rina Levana, on the other hand, and that was the worst part about it. I felt like I was hanging out with a stranger and I didn’t like it.

She ran a hand over her lips and swayed her head back and forth. “Well, it’s definitely one of my fears. You know, as women age, their lips get thinner. My mom’s did. And men always tell me they like my full lips. Without them, what will I have going for me?”

“Everything else.” Rina had a lot going for her. Below the surface she was kind, funny and generous, and while I hadn’t seen many of those traits this week, I knew they were in there somewhere.

She stopped eating and looked up at me, her eyes homing in on mine. After swallowing, she dropped her voice and in one of the most vulnerable moments I’d seen from her, she admitted, “I’m also afraid of ending up alone.”

My gut clenched and my heart broke for the girl I knew. I drew my brows together and reached a hand up to her cheek, stroking it with the pad of my thumb. “Hey,” I whispered, “that’s never going to happen.”

Her eyes looked down at my touch before meeting my gaze again. “How could you be so sure?”

“Because I don’t believe life is that cruel.”

We stayed like that for longer than I expected and the next thing I knew Rina was leaning in, angling her head like she was going in for a kiss.

I cleared my throat before she closed her eyes. I felt foolish that I stopped it from happening, but it wasn’t right. Sure, it would’ve been easy to fall back into our old ways, but it wasn’t right. It didn’tfeelright.

Backing up, she plastered a smile on her face like nothing happened. “I think we should go to dinner when we’re in Milan.”

Did she just ask me out on a date?I searched my brain for the right thing to say, but only came up with this: “Um, I don’t know. I mean, I’d love to, but I’m going to be busy with—”

“Bianca?” she supplied quizzically.

“No!” I was quick to answer. Retreating, I knew I had to be honest. “Yes, I’m not going to lie, I am going to see Bianca, but I also have work and shows, you know?” I knew Alicia and Joann could cover for me, but I still had some work I had to get done myself. I couldn’t drop it all in their laps.

She nodded. “You’ll get that promotion, if that’s what you’re worried about. I’ll pay for ads with you myself if I have to.”

She was trying, but I didn’t like that, and she knew it.

With a sour expression, she swallowed and tried again, saying, “I mean, I’m not worried and you shouldn’t be, either. Anyway, I’m going to be at some shows, too, so we’ll figure something out.”

I nodded. “I’m sure we will.”

Going back to eating, she crossed her legs and got more comfortable, as she began, “I’ll never forget the first time I went to Milan. I was. . .”

As Rina caught me up on her life since we’d split, all I could think about was how normal it felt with her. The truth was, having a past with each other made imagining a future with her not that difficult.

Rina was comfortable.

I knew what I was getting with her. For the most part.

And there was no real risk. Well, besides her leaving me again.

But we didn’t have the same spark we once had, at least not on my end.

“That’s it!” Rina exclaimed, cutting into my thoughts, her voice loud with excitement.

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