Page 78 of Say It Isn't So

I looked into her eyes and watched as she bit down on her bottom lip nervously.

I knew the feeling well.

And dread. That was another feeling I was well-acquainted with in this moment.

But the truth was, Bianca had given me so much, so if there was anyone I wanted to share this with, it was her. She was the one I’d wanted to share all my highs and lows with. It had been that way two years ago after Rina and I broke up and it was quickly becoming that way again. Bianca just had this way about her that sucked me in.

Letting out an exasperated breath, I took her hand in mine and kissed the top of it before beginning.

I didn’t know why I did that. Maybe it had been more for me than her. As though it was my way of telling her that I was being the most vulnerable I had ever been, and I was choosing to be that way with her.

I wasn’t sure.

Either way, I mustered up the courage to talk about my childhood, the one thing I avoided like the plague. “Well, you know I’m from Minnesota and that we weren’t well-off, but what you don’t know is that we were actually pretty bad off. I mean, it wasn’t just that the floors would creak, although, they did that, too. The roof had leaks, many of the appliances were broken and the ones that weren’t were barely hanging on. But my parents lived paycheck to paycheck and hardly had enough to keep the lights on and roof—albeit not great—over our heads.” As I spoke about my past and how I’d grown up, I didn’t see any judgment in her eyes.

She took it all in and listened, placing a hand on mine and gently rubbing circles over it with her thumb. I had to admit, it felt good to be open about the way I’d grown up. So good that I continued, explaining those last few weeks and ultimately how my last days at home had been.

By the time I was done sharing the whole sordid tale with her, I rubbed the back of my neck and looked down. “So that’s why I left and promised myself I’d never go back. I didn’t want to, but I felt like there wasn’t anything for me there. For a while I tried sending money to my folks, but they’re too proud and wouldn’t take a penny from me. Every check came back voided until I finally stopped.”

Her eyebrows came together, and a V formed on her forehead. “Do you talk to them?”

“Not often. The holidays, that sort of thing.”

Brows furrowed, I could tell she was trying to understand—not an easy thing for a woman who’d grown up in a close-knit family like hers, I was sure. “The holidays,” she said, “when you visit?”

I shook my head. “When I left, my mother made it clear she didn’t want to see me. I wasn’t kidding when I told you how those final days had been. That last one had been the worst, but she’d ended up telling me she’d wanted me to get out and stay away. She’d known it was what I wanted, and I think she’d seen it as her way of giving me one final gift.” Even as I said the words, I wasn’t sure I understood my mom’s about-face on my leaving home, but I had decided it was easier to see it that way.

“I’m so sorry, Knox,” Bianca said sympathetically, but not like she pitied me, just that she felt bad.

Again, a feeling I knew well.

But it was my life and I wouldn’t change it. It had made me the man I was today and I was proud of that man.

Not a user like Angelo thought I was, but an honest, hardworking man. A successful man.

Who could go back to that life at any moment, but we were going to ignore that fact. It was useless to go down that dark road. I’d been down it many times before to know it would do me no good. I just had to keep my head down and focus on the things that mattered to me.

And in this moment, that was Bianca.

All I wanted was to kiss the corner of her lips until her frown turned right side up. I didn’t want her to feel the weight of my past. No one deserved to bear that but me. “You don’t need to look so sad. It made me into the man I am today,” I said, verbalizing my earlier thoughts.

Much to my pleasure, that did it—that made her smile. Had I mentioned lately how much I loved her smile? Because I did.

“A mighty fine man, if you ask me,” she said, her hand brushing my cheek.

No one had ever made me feel like she had. She made me feel like I was so much more than I was, like I was someone that could be with a woman like her. When in all actuality, I was probably kidding myself. As far as class went, I was the guy that cleaned her shoes, not the one that woke up next to her each morning.

Her eyes traced down my face until finally settling on my lips, her thumb just to the side of them.

I swallowed.

She had no idea how bad I wanted this. But once I started, I didn’t know if I’d have the willpower to stop.

Bianca tempted me in ways even I couldn’t fathom.

* * *

Bianca

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