Page 99 of Say It Isn't So

Unless it was all in my head and there was no reason at all.

I felt like I didn’t know what I was doing anymore.

I’d come to New York, a place I didn’t want to be, for a man that didn’t want me here.

I’d tried, though, right? That was what mattered. I’d tried and really put myself out there for him.

But he was never going to love me like he used to.

It was over. Our chance had come and gone.

So here I was sitting in a bar, talking to a bartender and drowning my sorrows. “You think I’m pathetic, too, don’t you?”

He didn’t answer, only continued wiping down a glass. He was a good listener because he didn’t say anything, and that was nice. Except when it wasn’t, like when I needed an answer; someone to really put me in my place, because I was never getting that from him.

Right, because he was a total stranger and I was paying him for drinks not advice. I should have gone to my mother for advice. Only, she wasn’t the best at giving it, all she ever said was that she wanted to see me happy. Well, I wasn’t—happy, that was.

I downed the rest of my drink and pounded the glass down on the bar. I had already paid and was ready to leave and, sure, Knox had said to stay, but I wasn’t a dog. And he didn’t want me, so what did it matter if I stayed or I went? I wasn’t his problem and he didn’t need to pretend like he cared.

I stood, a little wobbly on my legs. I went to sit back down, but didn’t need to because strong arms came around me and held me up.

“Knox,” I breathed out, turning to look into his brown eyes. “You came.”

Ugh, I’m so pathetic.Even when I didn’t want to want him, that was all I did. I wanted us to be a power couple. Knox and Rina once again. But I was sure that’d never happen.

Knox’s nose wrinkled and he cringed. “You’re drunk all right.” He held my limp body against his. “Come on, I’ll take you to your hotel.”

I sighed into him, relaxing, enjoying the way it felt to be held by him. It was like when he was around, everything made sense. And he got me. No one else would. Not like he did.

“I can’t believe you came,” I spoke my mind.

He cocked a brow. “Don’t be ridiculous. You can’t hold your liquor. We both know that. Of course I was coming.”

I shook my head and swiped my finger down his nose. “That’s because you’re a nice guy. Oh,” I paused and looked downward at my shoes, “why do you have to be such a nice guy? Why can’t you be like every other man—callous and. . . and righteous.”

“I had an extra helping of nice guy when I was growing up.”

Maybe he was joking, but I believed it. “I knowww,” I whined.

“Although, I have been selfish lately.” He exhaled and looked elsewhere, as though stuck in his head about something.

Letting my finger run down his bicep, I assured him, “You don’t have a selfish bone in your body.”

He looked down at me and for a second there I thought I caught something—maybe it was realization that I did, at times, know him better than he knew himself and we were meant to be. Or maybe it was shock that I still knew him so well. Perhaps it was pity for the dreadful mess I had become. That last thought saddened me, so I tried not to dwell on it.

* * *

Knox

No need to remind me, I knew all too well that Rina was obnoxious and self-centered at times, that she could be a royal pain in the— Well, you get the point. But deep, deep, deep down the Rina I fell in love with all those years ago was still in there. And there was a reason I’d fallen in love with her back then. Since London, for brief moments in time, I’d been reminded some of those reasons, but it didn’t feel like enough. Especially not given the fact that I had also just reconnected with Bianca. Things were complicated.

Now more so than ever.

I couldn’t have Bianca because I refused to be the reason for a divide between her and her father. It was bad enough she’d lost her mother, but then Bianca had previously told me that she had relatives she didn’t even speak to, let alone know. Apparently her parents had strife with some of them before she was born and those relationships had never been repaired. She couldn’t have more taken from her.

I couldn’t be the reason Angelo wasn’t part of Bianca’s life anymore.

It was time I faced the music and put her needs above the needs of my own. While she wouldn’t admit it, she needed her father. That meant only one thing—we could be friends, but nothing more. She’d stay at my place until things cooled down between them, but I had to keep my distance. It was the only way to protect her. Because hurting Bianca in any way felt, quite literally, like my heart was being ripped out of my chest. To see her stand in my apartment the way she had been, so clearly in pain, it wasn’t just painful for me, it was excruciating.

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