Page 4 of Say It Isn't So

Mom closed her eyes briefly, letting the rest of her tears roll down her cheeks. I hated to see her cry, but what could I do? She knew this had always been the end goal—getting the heck out of here, I meant. We’d talked about it many times.

“Well, excuse me for wanting my son, myonlyson,” she guilt-tripped me, “to stay here with me where I gave you life, changed your diapers, fed you, and put a roof over your head. I even got you a good education. All so you could, what, leave me?”

Her words cut through me like a hot knife through butter. But they were true. That didn’t change the fact that she was my mother, though. Shouldn’t she have also wanted more for me? Wasn’t that a mother’s job—to care for her kid, so they could grow up and become more?

I wasn’t going to back down, so I chose my words carefully. “I’m sorry, Mom, but when Rina gets here, I’m going with her. You’re going to have to learn how to be happy for me.”

“Frankly, I think you’re ungrateful,” she spat back, her eyebrows arched and her nostrils flaring. Shutting off the water after rinsing her hands, she snatched the towel from me and dried off. “You could’ve found a job around here, but it’s not about that, it’s about your greed. This life isn’t good enough for you and you want more.” She flailed her hands around in pure frustration.

I gave her a dumbfounded look.Is she kidding me?“Greed? How could I be greedy when I have nothing?”Okay, that’s harsh.I had my parents, their love, a place to call home, and food, which was more than some people had. I wasn’t trying to sound ungrateful, but I didn’t want this life. I wanted to make my own life and I wasn’t going to let anyone take that chance away from me. This move would bring me one step closer to what I’d been yearning for most of my adult life—financial stability.

I heaved a sigh and asked, “Why can’t you be like Rina’s parents? They’re supportive of her and her dreams. Heck, they’re loaning us rent money for a couple months until we can get on our feet.”

For Rina, it was a little different, though. While she hailed from this same small town as me, her parents were first generation immigrants and they did well for themselves, running the most popular diner in town. But she had other dreams, bigger dreams. Her mother knew something about that, though—she always dreamed about being a ballerina, and probably could’ve been one if she hadn’t gotten pregnant. Now she was helping Rina achieve her dreams.

Mom shrugged and walked over to the kitchen table, where she slumped down in a chair. “You’re right. I could be more supportive, but you don’t know what it feels like to watch your only child leave.”

I bent down and looked into her tired, brown eyes as I took her hands in mine. “I’m going to come back.”

“Don’t,” she surprised me by saying, warning in her voice.

I stood, feeling knocked off my axis a bit. I pulled at the back of my neck as I started pacing to try to contain my shock. “What?”

She shook her head. “I mean, if you’re going to leave, I want you to make it big. Achieve whatever it is you want and don’t look back at this place. It’ll be like a burden, and I don’t want that.” She stood up and placed her hands on either side of my face, pulling it down to her eye level. “If this is something you must do, then do it. I may not understand it, but you’re my son and all I want is for you to be happy.”

“Mom—”

“No, you don’t worry about me.” Her eyes were watering now and I knew it wouldn’t be long before more tears stained her cheeks. “Rina is going to be here any minute, so you should get your bags from your room.”

She dropped her hands from my face. I stood up straight again, staring at her. I took it all in because, while I wanted to respond, nothing I could’ve said would’ve made things any better. And, the truth was, I had a feeling she knew something I wasn’t even honest with myself about: that once I left, I wouldn’t want to come back.

In a way, I supposed, I was grateful, because she was finally setting me free.

I swallowed, taking one of her hands in my own and squeezing it before going to my room.

I didn’t need to open my bedroom door since I couldn’t close it anymore—well, not for the past two weeks anyway—because the doorknob had broken. Inside, I looked up at the ceiling where a small leak had started when rainy season began and shook my head. It was time to change the tin bucket I had under the leak to catch the water.

It struck me that this would be the last time I’d make the switch as I moved the full bucket to the door to take outside.

This wasn’t the only leak in our house, just the only one in my room. The others were scattered all around the place. We’d had a guy come out and give us a quote, but that was months ago, and things had only gotten worse since then. But let’s be real, we couldn’t afford to get it fixed, so we made do with what we had.

See, this was exactly why I wasn’t going to leave my parents in the dust. If I made something of myself, like I hoped I would, I’d make sure they were taken care of. No one should have to live in these conditions, my parents included.

I studied my room. Not that it ever felt like mine. Besides the chipping blue paint on the walls, nothing about the space said “Knox” and, frankly, it made it that much easier to grab my suitcases, turn around, and never look back.

“Knox!” Rina shouted before walking up to me just outside my room and planting a kiss on my cheek. Bouncing on her heels, she was smiling more than I’d ever seen her smile before.

My life was nothing special, but what Rina and I had was.

Rina and I met in junior high and had been glued together ever since I passed a note to her during math asking if she’d be my girlfriend. Needless to say, we were so alike that we hit it off immediately.

It was no secret that she was beautiful back then, but now she was a knockout, no two ways about it. She had silky, blonde hair and hazel-green eyes that gave her an exotic look, and, well, let’s just say that what she’d lacked in the chest department she had in spades in other areas.

Eyeing the suitcases I was holding, she wagged her eyebrows. “Are you ready to embark on this new adventure”—she dropped her voice to a whisper—“and get the heck out of here?”

I cocked a brow. “You know you don’t need to whisper, right? My dad turned the TV so loud I’m sure the neighbors can hear it.”

She rolled her eyes and waved a hand in the air. “Whatever. Let’s just get out of here.”

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