Page 53 of Rent: Paid in Full

Every time I feel myself start to relax, I think about the fact he said yes. I think about his eyes and his mouth and his ass and the way he tastes when he’s horny. I think about the fact that soon, I’m going to have him. I’m going to thrust into him and hold him. We’re going to sweat and moan together. I’m going to fuck him until this lust leaves me.

So help me, God, I’m going to fuck him until I can’t anymore.

Despite my less-than-stellar night’s sleep, I’m in the best mood ever when morning finally rolls in. Ryan’s disposition is markedly different. He has narrow slits where his eyes usually are, and he doesn’t even bother trying to tame his dark tangle of hair. He growls his thanks when I hand him his coffee and doesn’t seem to notice or care when I hand him the blue dick mug.

“So,” I say, topping up his coffee as soon as he’s drained his mug, “I’m thinking Friday, so you have the weekend to recover.”

“Recover from what?” Despite being down one cup of coffee, his voice is still thick with sleep, and I can tell he isn’t firing on all cylinders.

“From the dicking I’m going to give you,” I remind him gently.

He stiffens, spilling coffee down one side of the mug. He sets it down on my desk and waits black-eyed as I get some paper towels for him. He wipes his hands and then makes a big show of wiping down the mug and the desk too, unceremoniouslyholding out the crumpled ball of paper for me when he’s finished. I stand by and take it from him dutifully.

I love everything about this fucked-up little interaction. I love how sweet he is when the lights are out, and I love how angry my existence makes him when they’re on. I love how he seems to expect me to run around helping him despite the fact he’s a nightmare, but most of all, I love how much he hates it that with every day that passes, he’s having a harder and harder time hating me with his whole chest.

I mean, don’t get me wrong, when the sun’s up, he’d still push me from a moving vehicle the first chance he got, but I think there’s a chance he’d regret it. Not deeply or anything like that. But probably a little. And I think that’s called progress.

I perch myself on his bed, sitting near his ankles in case I need to make a hasty retreat and say, “I’m going to the clinic after economics. Do you want to come? It’s not far from the Student Services building, so I can meet you there if you like.”

He glares at me and takes a spiteful sip of coffee, swallowing hard to make it go down. I show him my open palms. I read somewhere that it’s a gesture meant to make others feel reassured, and something tells me Ryan could do with a little reassurance right about now. “If you want me to use a condom, I will, but I’m getting tested either way, so you have nothing to worry about.”

“I’ll go on my own,” he spits.

I can hardly believe my luck. I’m in seventh heaven. Today might be the best day ever. Ryan’s agreed to let me fuck himandhe’s getting tested so I can leave a load in him.

What could be better than that?

Based on the look on his face, pissed off doesn’t begin to describe how he feels about the whole thing. The twisted part of me that loves that he hates me somersaults happily in my chest.

I pat him on one knee and give him a supportive smile. “You won’t regret it, Ry, seriously, there’s no better feeling than having semen shot up your ass. You’re going to love it. You know what? I’m not gonna jerk off this whole week. Gonna save my load just for you.”

His eyes, which I thought were as dark as they could go, darken further. Jet black and sparking with fury. I should stop. I know it, but I can’t help myself. “It’ll feel like a fire hydrant going off inside you. Not cold though. It’ll feel hot. You’ll feel it for days… And you’ll remember itforever.”

The sinews in his neck tense and his top lip pulls up to expose his incisors. I hop up and trot to the bathroom, closing the door to give him a little time to himself. He’s one of those people who needs space now and then, and as the future love of his life, I think it’s important that I’m sensitive to that.

It’s finally Friday. It’s been the longest week in living memory, and I’ve had to stop myself from begging Ryan to let me fuck him earlier at least twenty-seven billion times this week. And that’s a conservative estimate.

I’ve managed not to, but not by much. It’s really taken it out of me. Finals are starting in two weeks, and I’ve done less work than usual. I can’t even say I blame myself. Who could possibly concentrate on crap like business cycle theory when they can think of the procurement of a devastatingly sexy, rude, and complicated dude’s virginity instead?

It’s pouring with rain and the campus is all but deserted except for the odd person making a dash across the quad, sending water splashing up from the soggy grass as they run, resulting in either vicious cussing or high-pitched squeals. The rain started this morning and hasn’t let up all day. It’s asgray and depressing as a day could ever be, and I couldn’t possibly be happier about it. I mean, yeah, I am a bit cold, and maybe I should have thought to wear a weatherproof jacket or something, but just try telling me what I’m doing isn’t dead romantic.

Go ahead, I dare you.

I’m outside the library, and I’ve been here for a long-ass time. Despite the fact I’m cowering under Sienna’s hot-pink umbrella, I’m drenched. Soaked to my bones. My hair is pasted onto my forehead and there’s a steady stream of water running down my back.

The look on Ryan’s face when he sees me makes it all worth it. His jaw drops, his eyes bulge slightly, and his mouth twists in horror.

“What the fuck are you doing?” he demands as soon as he’s within earshot.

“Waiting for you.” I give him my most winning smile. “Romantic, huh?”

“There’s something really wrong with you, you know that, Miller?” I hand him the umbrella, and when he takes it, I sidle up a little closer to him, putting my arm around his shoulder and pulling him close. “Get off me, you’re wet.”

He pretends to try to squirm out of my grip, but as he does, I notice the corners of his mouth tugging upward. He pushes them down hard, but it’s too late. I see it. I see him. Dark and broody and sexy in a way that’s gotten deep under my skin. Intense, angry, and vulnerable at the same time. His hair and eyelashes are wet. And Jesus, that nose. The curve. The high bridge. It’s almost too much for me.

We walk slowly together as stragglers tear past us. Rain pelts us from all angles and neither of us cares. That’s right, I said neither, and I meant it. Ryan would deny it to his last breath, but he isn’t hating this display, not even a little. Heavy drops ploponto the umbrella as we walk under the old oak trees in the quad. He pauses to listen to the sound and inadvertently looks at me when he does. His eyes are wilder than usual. Gentler too. Under the armor and hardness, there’s a softness I haven’t seen before.

“You excited?” I ask.

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