Page 43 of The Mended Hearts Bookshop

“What are all these?”

“What are all what?” asked Pen, stepping through the door.

Ash was holding a sheaf of letters in her hand, a look of absolute disbelief on her face.

???

Ash saw Pen visibly deflate, like all her blood was pouring out, leaving her weak and pale and lesser somehow. She held the letters out like she was presenting them to Pen, but Pen didn’t make a move to take them.

“They’re none of your business,” Pen said sharply.

“They’re not even opened.”

Pen rolled her eyes. “They’re fine. Nothing for you to worry about.”

Ash shook her head. “No, Pen, no… This is very much something to worry about. You know that all of these are bills, right? And most of them are past due notices. I’m pretty sure that there are even a couple of legal summonses in that pile.”

Pen did step forward now, taking hold of the letters that Ash was still holding. “It’ll all be fine,” she said. “Something will turn up.”

“Yes,” said Ash. “The bailiffs. Or the police. Or someone like that.” She snatched the letters back from Pen. “Pen, these things won’t go away. You can’t just pretend that they don’t exist. Are you listening to me?”

The smile finally dropped from Pen’s face. “For someone who doesn’t like other people interfering in her life, you not exactly doing a fantastic job of not interfering in mine.”

Ash took a deep breath, still unable to believe quite what she was hearing and seeing. How had things gotten this bad? Pen must be in thousands of pounds worth of debt. How could she not see what was happening to her?

Except… except this was Pen all over, wasn’t it?

“Pen, are you listening to what I’m saying?”

Then to her horror, Pen’s face started to crinkle, tears started to bloom, and then she was full on sobbing in the middle of her living room and Ash didn’t know what to do.

It would have been so easy, she supposed. So easy for Pen to focus so hard on helping everyone but herself. About as easy as it was for Ash to focus on helping no one but herself.

And then things spiraled out of control and suddenly Pen was left with only the hope that something would turn up, that some miracle would occur. And why wouldn’t she believe that? She was the miracle for other people often enough, the miracle for people like Lucy.

Still Pen sobbed, heart-wrenching cries from the depth of her insides and Ash’s heart crumbled the tiniest amount and she did the only thing she could think of to do.

She stepped in, wrapped Pen up in her arms, and held her as tightly as she could.

???

Before she knew what was happening, Pen was sobbing into Ash’s shirt until the material stuck to her face and she wanted to move, to look up, but she just couldn’t stand the shame of it. So instead she stayed where she was, letting Ash’s arms hold her until eventually Ash moved.

“I’ve got a cramp. Not used to hugging people,” Ash said.

Pen managed a snorted, soggy laugh and Ash took her hand, leading her to sit down on the couch with its uncomfortable springs.

“Pen, it’s going to be alright,” Ash said softly.

“How can you say that?” Pen said. “You’ve just said it won’t be. You’ve said the police will come and everything. And I know I’ve been stupid, I know that. But I can’t change it and… and I don’t know what to do about it anymore.”

“You do just what everyone else does to you,” Ash said. “You ask for help. Or, I suppose, in your case you just give the help because it’s the right thing to do, don’t you?” She sighed. “You’re just that kind of sickeningly good person.”

“If that’s an attempt to make me feel better, it’s a very, very bad one,” said Pen, still looking at her hands.

“It is,” said Ash. “So let’s try this instead. I can help you fix this.”

Now Pen did look up, she looked up and saw that Ash was completely serious. “You… you what?”

---