Page 16 of An Ex Affair

Tully

“Hello, humiliation. We meet again,”I muttered to myself as I took yet another shower the next morning. I thought I’d gotten all the mud out last night, but my pillow this morning informed me I’d grossly underestimated the clinging power of Blueball mud.

I couldn’t tell you how many times Colson Wolfe had walked me back to Mama’s house during my lifetime. Over a thousand? It didn’t escape my notice that last night had been a trip down memory lane, what with the nakedness, the rolling around, and then the walk back to the house with his hand on my back. I could close my eyes and suddenly I was eighteen again, going through the same motions with that man.

Stepping out of the shower and wrapping a towel around myself, I squeezed my eyes shut and tried to keep the humiliation coursing up my spine from dropping me to my knees. Colson had heard I was fired. Then he saw my forty-two-year-old body naked. And not in candlelight with strategicplacing of my thigh and sucking in of my gut. He’d seen me spread eagle in the mud. Talk about humiliating.

Mama knocked on the bathroom door, saving me from yet another replay in my head. “Breakfast, honey!”

“Coming!” I hollered back, quickly drying off and sliding into a pair of skinny jeans and a nice blouse that didn’t say “unemployed and living with her mama.”

I walked through the house, headed for the kitchen. Mama wasn’t there, so I veered into the formal dining room just off the kitchen. The wallpaper had seen better days, but I had a feeling Mama wouldn’t take kindly to me commenting on it. Mama sat at the head of the table with a coffee cup from Crazy Beans and her usual banana nut muffin. In front of the chair next to her was another cup from Crazy Beans and two veggie egg white bites.

“What’s this?” I pointed to our breakfast.

Mama took a bite of her muffin, slowly chewing and purposely drawing out her answer. I had a seat and stared at her. Since I’d been back, she hadn’t left the house once. She’d baked up a storm in the kitchen, but no trips into town that I was aware of.

Mama wiped her mouth with a napkin and placed it in her lap. “Colson brings me breakfast most mornings.”

My core muscles gave out and I flopped back in the wood-backed chair. “He what?”

Mama had a little smile on her face that would normally make me happy to see, but right now, I was feeling a bit like the rug was being pulled out from under me. Again.

“He brings me breakfast. Not every day, of course. Sometimes work gets in the way, but he spoils me.” She flicked a finger my direction. “Spoiling you today too. Guess he knows you’re staying with me?”

I folded my arms across my chest, refusing to touch the breakfast, even if the smell of a sugary mocha wafted over to me.Damn him. He knew that was my favorite. Not that I’d had it in awhile. The camera adds at least ten pounds and that meant mochas had been moved to my “never eat” list long ago.

“How come you didn’t tell me Colson lived in the carriage house?”

Mama’s impish grin only grew. “Because I knew you’d pitch a fit and march right out of here again. Can’t blame me for wanting some time with my own daughter, can you?”

I really couldn’t, but that didn’t mean I was happy Mama had purposely kept this important information from me. It was important, right? “Anything else you’ve been hiding?”

Mama took another bite of her muffin and chewed. My stomach growled loudly in the silence. I reminded myself I no longer had to worry about the camera picking up on extra pounds, so I grabbed the mocha, slurping in a huge sip. My eyes slid shut of their own accord and I had a moment.

Mama’s giggle brought me out of my bliss.

“I knew you’d break eventually. Nothing beats Crazy Beans coffee. Or their baked goods.” Mama wiped her mouth again. “Colson’s been helping me out with things for a bit.”

My moment was clearly over. My stomach lurched and the world as I knew it tilted. “What kind of helping? And definea bit.”

“He’s been coming over to trim trees and things for years, but since he moved back to Blueball six months ago, he’s been helping with even more. In fact, he just painted the house last month, and I think he did a spectacular job.”

I nodded, feeling a bit lightheaded. Mama had never told me about Colson. For all I knew, when we got divorced, she only saw him infrequently or in passing. I knew they’d been close and I knew our divorce had hurt her deeply, but knowing they’d stayed close felt like a betrayal. A line in the sand was drawn during adivorce and sides had to be chosen. Had Mama chosen Colson’s side this whole time and I was too busy to notice?

Before I could formulate something to say that would attempt to express the jealousy I was feeling, my phone pinged in my pocket. I fished it out, thinking it might be Jocelyn. I could use a lifeline right now. Maybe a job to get me out of Blueball for a little while? Just until I could absorb everything I was left with after life had whacked me down a peg or twenty?

But it wasn’t my agent. It was my cell phone carrier reminding me my bill was due in two days. I shut off the screen and shoved the phone back in my pocket. I swallowed hard and took stock.

My so-called friends from Hollywood had remained silent. Not one had reached out to see if I was okay since the firing. Jocelyn barely had any jobs for me. My own mother spent more time with my ex-husband than she did me, and I had no one to blame for that except myself.

I felt as low as the mud I’d wallowed in last night.

My gaze shifted to the wall and I stared at it absentmindedly, trying to absorb all the feelings pummeling me at once.

“Whatcha thinking, honey?” Mama asked quietly.

I bit my lip and refused to cry. “I left Blueball and Colson because I wanted to make a splash. Wanted to prove I had something to offer this world. And I did. For fifteen years. And now that’s all been taken away in the blink of an eye and I’m wondering what value I have now.”

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