Page 66 of An Ex Affair

The night got darker and the sounds of the city got quieter, but still we sat there, staring at the sky in companionable silence. It was just after midnight when Boon stood up and stretched.

“I got a game at one tomorrow. You coming or are you going back to get your girl?”

I stood up too. “I’m going to your game. AndthenI’m flying back home to get my girl.”

Boon grinned, clapping me on the shoulder. “Fuck yeah, bro.”

CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE

Tully

“Are you talking to me today?”I slammed the front door behind me, startling Mama as she sat at her dining table with a plate of quiche. I walked right in and gave her a smacking kiss on the cheek and patted Hayes on the head when he popped up. “Oh, that looks good. Can I have some?”

She batted her hand through the air in front of her face. “Did you drink the entire distillery last night?”

I laughed, even though I did feel a little rough around the edges. I wasn’t a big drinker these days and those ladies had urged me on something fierce. My only consolation was that Gabi texted me early this morning while I’d still been asleep, grumbling about having to make the kids’ lunches when she felt like she might puke. I’d woken up, slammed down some ibuprofen, and went back to sleep. Ah, the life of a childless woman.

I helped myself to the quiche, coming to sit down at the table with Mama. Hayes lay back down, his snout on my foot. Mama waited until I put my fork down and rubbed my full belly.

“I am always talking to you, Tully. I just wasn’t happy seeing things fall apart between you two again, that’s all.”

Leaning over to place my hand on hers, I wished I would have been brave enough to talk to her years ago. After Dad died, she’d been so fragile. She’d cry at the drop of a hat. She stopped leaving the house, and while she kept up with normal parenting duties within the walls of this house, I began to see her as too fragile to share my own feelings. I’d swallowed them back and let things slide, which wasn’t fair to me or to her. It was most definitely part of the reason I hadn’t come back to visit her much over the last two decades.

“Mama, can we talk?”

“Of course. Always.” Her pretty brown eyes were still there, just bookended by more wrinkles than before. So much time had passed and I suddenly didn’t want more years to go by with distance between us. I still had to be careful though. I wasn’t here to lash out and hurt her. I just wanted to be honest. To clear the air between us and work toward a closer relationship.

“One of the reasons I left Colson years ago is because I felt suffocated. I felt like I was going down a path that didn’t leave me any room to be me. I know you grieved over Dad and still do, but it was hard for me as a kid to live in that shadow.” Her eyes instantly coated with a sheen of tears, so I gripped her hand tighter and kept going before I lost my nerve. “I’m like Dad. I have energy for days, places to see, things to do. I loved Colson but I just couldn’t see myself having kids and never leaving Blueball. I needed to really live first!”

“Did you ask Colson to go with you?” Mama asked, her voice wobbling.

“No. I tried to explain how I was feeling and he just doubled down harder on providing a life for us here in Blueball. He didn’t hear me. I felt like no one understood me, so I filed for divorce and left before I lost my nerve.” I leaned even closer. “Pleaseknow that I love you, but I just couldn’t let my life turn into yours. Your world got so small after Dad died, and I didn’t want that for me.”

“Oh, Tully.” Mama’s voice cut off and a tear tracked down her cheek. “Your life would never be like mine. You’re so much better than me in every way.”

“Shh, Mama. No, I’m not.”

She squeezed my fingers to get me to shut up a second. “I tried to be the best mother possible to you, but my heart was broken. I know I let you down, and I let Aldo down too. He wouldn’t have wanted this life for me and you, I know it. I’m so sorry, honey. Can you forgive me?”

I let go of her hand and pulled her bony shoulders into a hug. “Already forgiven, Mama.” We held each other tight, both of us sniffling. “I’ve made plenty of my own mistakes.” I pulled back and kept going. “I hurt Colson and I feel terrible about it. I told Joselyn no, by the way. I’m not leaving Blueball.”

“Oh, Tully!” Mama’s hand clapped to her gaping mouth. “Thank goodness. I couldn’t lose my baby a second time.” Hayes whined and lifted his head. His big body shifted slowly and flopped down on Mama’s feet.

“Mama,” I groaned. “You aren’t losing me at all. I promise. But I think Colson thought I was leaving again.”

“He did look pretty upset,” Mama agreed. “He told me not to tell you, but I think you need to know he’s in Texas with Boon.”

I smiled. “I know. Gabi got the information out of Joey. Do you know when he’ll be back?”

Mama smiled. “I do. He’s supposed to be back tonight. He texted me that he’ll pick up Hayes around eight.”

I looked at the grandfather clock in the corner of the dining room. “That doesn’t give me much time.”

Mama’s spine straightened. “What do you have planned?”

My smile was full of nervous energy. “I intend to put a ring on that man’s finger and lock him down!”

Mama laughed so hard she had to wipe her eyes. It was good to hear her so happy. “I don’t think you’ll have to beg too hard once he hears you never intended to leave.”

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