Page 55 of An Ex Affair

Colson slung his arm around my shoulders and pulled me in close to whisper, “Is it weird to say I’m glad we didn’t have kids? I’m not sure I could handle teens.”

I shivered in the warm afternoon sunshine. “No. I get it. I’m not sure I was cut out to be a mom.” I turned in to him, my hands going to his muscled torso. “Wait. You always said you wanted kids. It was likeget married and have kidswas your personal mantra.”

Colson shrugged, dipping his head down to kiss my forehead. “It was. But then it didn’t happen and now I’m glad for it. I like being an uncle, but having my own?” He shook his head, looking into the distance like he just couldn’t picture it. “Mom was always so disappointed I didn’t give her grandbabies, which makes me happy Warrick married a young wife who’s giving her all the little critters her heart desires.”

I pulled back enough to study him. I was having a hard time reconciling this new side of Colson. For so long, he’d talked about us getting married and having a family. It was strange to hear that kids wasn’t even on his radar anymore. Which was a good thing. I didn’t want to even think about getting pregnant in my forties. I’d be sixty before the kid even graduated high school! Maybe some people would be fine with that, but it just wasn’t for me.

“Do I have powdered sugar on my face?” Colson asked, letting me go to swipe at his face. We’d splurged on beignets when we first got here, drawn into the heavenly scent wafting right to our noses.

“No!” I laughed. “Just realizing again how much we’ve both changed.”

Colson stilled, his hand dropping to my hip where his thumb swept back and forth. “We got some things right and a lot of things wrong back then. Maybe we spend some time shoring up the things we got wrong so we don’t fuck ’em up again, huh?”

I nuzzled in closer. “Mhhm. I like the sound of that.”

Colson dipped his head again, this time aiming for my lips. He barely brushed a kiss across my mouth before a throat clearing had us separating. Gabi and Joey had moved to the next booth set up in the park, debating the merits of the different seasonings and rubs the man had for sale. Muriel Gayle, the owner of Gin/Tan/Laundry, one of the weirdest yet most popular businesses in Blueball that had started up after I moved away, stood there on the grass with a flask in one hand and a dark tan that rivaled the old ladies retired in Florida. She pointed back and forth between us with a long red fingernail.

“So, are you two a thing again?” She practically shouted the question. I could feel heads swiveling in our direction. “I mean, we all knew you could do better than Benicio Lazar. That guy kind of gave me the creeps.”

She was referring to a man I’d stepped out with in Hollywood a few times, garnering a couple mentions in the gossip columns for B-list actors.

A man with thick messy hair and a lopsided grin grabbed my attention, sticking his hand out toward me. I shook it, giving him a practiced smile. “I’m Benny Campbell. Nice to meet you, Tully.” He gave Colson a head nod, but shifted his gaze back to me quickly. “I always wanted to know if Benicio Lazar did hisown stunts. Like, he held his breath for over a minute in that one movie. What was it called?” He snapped his fingers. Muriel barked out the title of the movie, the two of them pressing closer to me. “Yes! So did he?”

I shook my head, feeling a little uncomfortable talking about a guy I barely knew when I just wanted to meander through the market with my boyfriend-slash-ex-husband. “I, uh, I don’t know. He didn’t tell me those kinds of things.”

Muriel wiggled her shoulders suggestively, giving me a knowing grin like we were two girlfriends sharing a secret. “You probably had other things in mind when you were with Benicio. That man has abs for days. Did you get to see if he’s well-proportioned elsewhere?”

My face flamed hot, but I didn’t want to be rude. Not when I could feel other people listening in. Colson had stepped away from me, and I didn’t like it. I held up my hands, refusing to lose the forced smile on my face. “I have no idea about any of that. Sorry.”

I stepped back, trying to get closer to the direction Colson, Gabi, and Joey had gone. Muriel’s face sagged into a pout that matched Benny’s.

“Have a nice day,” I said, spinning quickly and grabbing Colson’s hand once I got away from those people. His jaw was locked tight and he didn’t exactly squeeze my fingers back. Fuck.

Gabi began talking animatedly about the salads at Grass, saying we should head over there and have some lunch to soak up some of the sugar from the beignets. I loved her for trying to smooth over the awkwardness that had descended on our group. Unfortunately, Colson wasn’t swayed by her manic sudden interest in salad.

“Hey,” I said, pulling him to a stop underneath a jasmine tree and letting Joey and Gabi walk ahead of us, toward the far side of town where Grass was located. “We just said we wanted to workthrough some of the things we got wrong. Clearly, what Muriel and Benny said made you upset. Talk to me.”

Colson finally met my gaze, a hot anger simmering in those eyes. “Do you have any idea what it’s like to watch the woman you love move on without you? I had to watch you on television. See your pictures in the newspapers with other men. They have a fucking cardboard cutout of you down at the hardware store, for shit’s sake, Tully.”

I squeezed his fingers, hoping for the right words, while also knowing there was nothing I could do to take back all the hurt I’d caused. “I’m sorry. I don’t know how all that feels. I imagine it would be insanely hurtful. But I also want you to know that Benicio and I weren’t even dating. Our agents set us up as some kind of mutually beneficial publicity stunt. He had a movie, I had a new product being released in connection with my show. There’s literally nothing to be jealous of. I promise you.”

Colson’s jaw didn’t release as he gazed down at me. But he did finally let out a long breath. “Okay.”

It wasn’t much and it certainly didn’t instill confidence that things were actually okay between us, but it was something. He turned, tugged on my hand, and we walked to Grass in silence.

All that optimism I’d felt earlier today, that Colson and I could work through everything after all these years, faded a bit. So many wounds between us, so many years we’d let them fester. It would take a lot of time and a lot of candid conversations to get on the path to finally healing.

CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX

Colson

One of thekids called Joey’s cell phone after we pushed our salad bowls aside, bellies full. Then Gabi and Tully had to visit the restroom together. I went outside to give Joey some privacy as he talked one of his girls down from some social media slight one of her friends had dealt her today. Made me glad all over again that I didn’t have teen girls. Or boys for that matter. I should know. My brothers and I had been more than a handful to raise.

My head was in the clouds, thinking about everything that had happened today and why I was feeling unsettled about it. I didn’t see the woman before I plowed right into her. I reached out on instinct, grabbing her arm and her waist before she teetered off and fell right there on the sidewalk.

“Oh!” Hattie McGhee, the local librarian, put one hand on my chest and one hand on her glasses to push them back up the bridge of her pert nose. Startled blue eyes stared up at me right before her cheeks turned crimson. She stepped back and my hands fell away.

“Sorry about that. I wasn’t looking where I was going.” Downtown Blueball was busy today between the farmer’s market and the beautiful spring weather that brought everyone out in droves. I needed to pay more attention.

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