Page 5 of River

We all felt the ground rumble that day. I screamed for Alex to run, but he fell. When I turned to go back for him, my brother grabbed me and carried me away. Alex was gone before we could reach him.

I lost our baby that night, too. In a single, devastatingmoment, I lost everything I loved. And his mother still held me responsible.

I held my baby in my arms when I miscarried. I was six months pregnant. The hospital tried taking my baby from me, and then my mom was there helping me. Together, we cleaned my baby and wrapped him in a blue blanket. Both of us cried until we had no tears left.

We buriedhim with his father. Afterward, I tried to stay in town, but the constant flow of people offering their condolences became too much. If I could have gone to Mars, I would have. Anything to escape the suffocating grief.

Leaving was hard on my family, but staying would have swallowed me whole. A month later, I sold my home and hit the road.

My family didn’t want me to go and begged me to stay. Jason wanted to go with me. They didn’t believe I would stay away, so I promised to call them every Sunday, which I faithfully did. I missed them terribly, but I was afraid that returning home would resurrect all that pain, and I was right.

When I found this job with the former Army Special Forces, it felt like a weight had been lifted off my shoulders. I kept to myself, and so did they. I said I was married because I didn’t want any of them asking me out—not that they would; all of them had plenty of women stopping by. As it turned out, their number one rule was not to date coworkers, which suited me perfectly.

I thought I’d never have to deal with oil derricks again, so when I heard we were coming here, I convinced myself I could handle it. I was wrong. The moment I visited my in-laws, everything came rushing back.

Now, here I am with my team, and it felt like my world was crumbling. My pain was suffocating me. I couldn’t breathe from the pain in my chest. All I could see were memories of Alex and my baby. I needed to leave. I glanced at the guys sitting at the table, attempting to tell them I had to go, but the words wouldn’t come out. Instead, I broke down and cried.

River pulled me closer to him and put his arm around me. He always smelled so good. “Tell me why you are so upset,” River said.

I shook my head, unable to speak.

“Can’t you see she’s too upset to talk?” Gage said, trying to calm me as he wiped away my tears with a napkin, trying to comfort me.

“Someone must have said something to hurt her feelings. Kat never acts like this,” Tag said, sounding frustrated. “Tell us who hurt your feelings. Was it your in-laws?”

I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself. The guys were all watching me, concern written on their faces. I couldn’t bring myself to look at River, though. I knew those intense blue eyes of his were fixed on me. He slid his beer over, and I took a big gulp.

“I never talk about this because it destroys my soul every time,” I knew tears were still streaming from my eyes. “Today, I went to see my in-laws at their house, and she still blames me,” I managed to say before covering my face and crying. “I held my baby in my arms…” I paused and lifted my head, noticing my parents approaching our table.

“Mama, I told you she would bring it up again. She still blames me. She’s a mean, hateful woman, and I’ll never speak to her again.”

My Dad pulled me up, took me in his arms, and rocked me like a child until I calmed down. Finally, I turned andlooked at River. “River, I lied to Gideon when he hired me. I said I didn’t have any mental problems, but as you can see, I have lots of them.”

“What is going on with you?” River asked, his frustration showing. “I would never have asked you to accompany us here if I knew this would happen. Where the hell is your husband? Why can’t he tell his fucking mother to keep her fucking mouth shut.”

I knew River wanted to hit something. I’ve seen him from the work area I had at work, and when he became angry, he would go out back and punch the punching bag. I dreaded telling him about Alex.

“My husband is dead, and so is my baby. The night my husband died, I miscarried my little boy. That was three years ago. I was doing pretty well until I visited Alex’s mother. She’s a mean woman.” The guys were staring at me like I said something horrible.

“Well, she is.”

“Katrina is right. I can only blame myself for telling her to visit that bitch. Wait until I get my hands on her. I’m sorry, sweetheart,” my mom said, wiping my face off.

I looked at Kat’s mother; she was as beautiful as her daughter and madder than hell.

“Mama, it’s not your fault. I’m thirty-one. I knew what would happen, and I still went.” I looked around the table, and the guys were still watching me. “What?”

River looked angry. “You said you were married.”

“Are you mad because my husband died?”

“No, I’m mad that you lied about being married.”

“Are you going to fire me?”

“I don’t want to fire you, but damn it, do you realize your marriage helped you keep this job.”

“Why?”

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