Page 20 of Winter Memories

“Good job, buddy.” He grins at me and moves closer. “I’m making pancakes. Your mama used to love pancakes, does she still?”

“Who doesn’t love pancakes?” He gives me a look of pure bewilderment that only a kid can pull off. “I love them.”

“I wanted to do something nice for your mom. I bet she’s always making you breakfast and taking care of you,” I point out gently.

“She is.” He nods solemnly. When I pick him up, he sits on the counter quietly for a moment, but I can practically see thewheels in his head turning. His voice is small when he asks, “Do you love Mama, Fletcher?”

If I were drinking something, I’d be spitting it across the room. Thankfully, I’m not, but my hands shake slightly as my nerves get the better of me. This feels like a big conversation. I’m not sure where the lines are or how to make sure Macklin understands.

“You probably figured out your mom and I grew up together?” He nods, watching me solemnly. “At first, we were best friends, but when we got older, we fell in love. I wanted your mom to be able to follow all of her dreams, but I needed to stay here. Even though it hurt me, I had to let her go, but I never stopped loving her.”

“It hurt her too,” he tells me softly.

My heart cracks open with his words. His eyes are soft and curious as he looks at me and I stop what I’m doing to give him all my focus. This is a conversation deserving of my undivided attention.

“How do you know that, Mack?”

He sighs softly and bites his lip for a moment before sitting up straighter. “Sometimes I would find Mama crying, but she tried to hide it. When I asked her why she was crying she would tell me she missed someone. One time she told me she missed the other half of her soul. When she looks at you,” he shrugs, “I don’t know, but it’s kind of like when she looks at me? With love. I guess I figured you’re the guy she was missing because she hasn’t looked sad since we saw you in the store with Gramps.”

“I’m sorry your Mama was crying,” I tell him, trying not to get too emotional in front of Mack.

“Don’t hurt her again.” He gives me a stern look and even though he’s only three, I know he’s being as threatening as possible.

I rest a hand on his shoulder and give a small squeeze. “I’m going to make you a promise, Macklin. I know you don’t know me very well, but I keep my promises.” He nods tentatively. “I’ll never hurt your mom again. I will protect her and love her for the rest of my life.”

“Good.”

The silence stretches between us, but it’s clear there’s something on his mind. I’m not going to push him to share with me if he’s not ready. I focus on finishing mixing up the batter before I get the pan warmed up on the stove. Mack is far enough away that I’m not concerned about him getting burned.

From what Eden has told me, he loves to help in the kitchen and is good about being safe. He did great in the kitchen with Noel yesterday for lunch so I’m not all that worried about him.

It’s strange being in my kitchen with him, but it feels natural too.

“You know,” his voice is tentative and when I glance at him, he isn’t looking at me, “my dad didn’t want me.”

I suck in a sharp breath and shake my head. “I don’t think that was it, Mack,” I force my voice to be soft even though everything in me wants to go and track down the asshole who walked away from his son.

“It’s okay,” he sighs. “One time I asked Mama about it, but she looked so sad. I ended up asking Gramps one time when he visited. He didn’t say my dad didn’t want me but said he couldn’t be a good dad to me.”

“You deserve the best dad,” my voice is thick and it’s difficult to swallow around the lump in my throat.

“I think I’d like you to be my dad,” he says without even a hint of irony, just one hundred percent honesty.

I blink at him a few times, unsure of what to say to him. I don’t want to overstep my boundaries, but I desperately want to be his dad. I’m sure there is a way to navigate this correctly, but I have no fucking idea how.

“I’m not sure if that’s up to us, Macklin,” I tell him softly. “I want everything to work out with your mom and I desperately want to be in your life. No matter what, I’ll have your back. Can that be good enough for right now?”

He narrows his eyes at me and gives a single nod. He holds his hand out to shake. When I do, he smiles. “It’s a deal.”

As we start to make pancakes, we talk about whatever Mack wants to talk about. He tells me about his favorite cartoons and movies. As we laugh with each other, the seriousness of the earlier conversation is forgotten.

I tense when I hear the front door open, but I relax when I hear the voices of my brothers as they move toward the kitchen. The moment they walk into the room, I glare at them, but they hardly look my way. Apparently, my desire to spend the morning with my little family doesn’t matter.

Huxley and Noel head right toward Macklin who is wiggling on the counter in excitement. “Hi,” he practically cheers at my brothers.

They both get fist bumps which make Mack look proud as hell and puff up like a peacock. It’s adorable.

Huxley drapes himself over my shoulders and looks down at the pan, “What are we having for breakfast?”

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