Page 22 of Winter Memories

CHAPTER 9

EDEN

I’m on my computer, trying to get some work done, but all I can think about is the scene I walked into a few days ago. Macklin was surrounded by three Burns men and looked right at home. They made him laugh, but even more importantly, they made him feel important and included.

It made my mama heart so damn happy. The whole morning was like that. Seeing my boy blossom under the attention of Fletcher and his brothers helped to cement the feeling of making the right decision.

My ovaries also exploded. It was difficult not to think about having Fletcher’s babies. I’d be more than happy to fill the ranch with them.

Now it’s been a few days since then, but the glow from that feeling has stuck around. I’ve been walking through the day feeling like I’m on top of the world. My parents have been highlyamused by the whole thing and sharing happy little looks.

Even though I haven’t seen Fletcher, we’ve been texting a lot. It’s a little surreal after not having him in my life for so long. I almost don’t know how to feel about everything.

I’m of two minds. I want to jump in without looking back, and I’m trying. But it’s also scary. There was so much good between us, and it feels just as good being around him now as it did back then.

At the same time, are we just going backward because we didn’t get the closure we needed? We went from being together and knowing everything about each other to nothing. No contact. No calls. No texts. It was jarring back then and there was no way we wouldn’t feel like something was missing.

Because something was missing.

Our friendship.

We shared one long before we were anything more. It would have been impossible to maintain a friendship; I’m not thinking we should have tried. Still, is it just the missing of each other we’re reacting to now because I’m back in Wintervale?

I just don’t know.

The cover I’m working on feels unfinished and I have no idea what is missing. I’ve been looking at the computer so long now, tweaking things and trying others and now my mind is mush.

I’m sure my inability to concentrate is not helping.

Every two seconds I’m thinking about Fletcher. It’s distracting.

Then the memories of the way he buried his face between my thighs slams into me and I’m instantly turned on. It is not conducive to getting work done.

When I wander out of my room, since Macklin is on some ranch related outing with Dad to check on the cows, I find Mom in the kitchen. It looks like she’s about to get dinner started. Helping mom cook is something I’ve always enjoyed.

“Need some help?”

She looks at me and smiles before moving aside a little and nodding toward the cutting board where an onion and knife are already waiting for me. As I get to work, we’re quiet for a few minutes.

“You seem happy, Eden,” she gently prods me, a teasing note in her voice. “Have you been talking to Fletcher a lot?”

“I have,” I admit.

Thinking about the way we’ve been texting brings a smile to my face. It’s nice to be talking to him again. It almost feels like we didn’t lose those 13 years, but we did. And our lives kept going on, even as we missed each other, even as we thought about each other.

And now I have a son.

I frown slightly and Mom doesn’t miss it. “What’s wrong?”

I’m quiet for a few minutes, focusing on the onions in front of me. It’s not like I don’t want to talk to her about it, but having her right here instead of so far away is another reminder of how ridiculous I was for so long. It wasn’t just Fletcher I stayed away from. I lost out on time with everyone who has ever mattered to me.

With a shake of my head, I push that regret away because I can’t do anything about it now and dwelling on it won’t do me any good. When I can trust my voice, I blurt, “Am I moving too fast?”

I can hear the confusion in Mom’s voice, “What do you mean? Moving too fast with who? Fletcher?”

“Yeah,” I croak and have to swallow hard to stop myself from bursting into tears.

The thought of slowing things down or even stepping away from him makes me want to cry. But I still need to know if I’m doing the right thing.

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