Page 2 of Dare to Love Again

“Yes, especially the weather.”

“I don’t know,” she said hesitantly. Her voice turned quiet when she added, “At least I know the usual suspects here.”

“Fuck!” The explosively uttered expletive made her jump. “It happened again today, didn’t it? Dammit, why can’t they drop it?”

“Human tragedy sells papers, except it wasn’t a reporter this time.”

“Then who?”

“That writer came by the house again. He’s determined to become famous by making our story into a movie.”

Silence greeted this news.

“I told him no, like before. Hollywood is full of screenwriters, Pax. It could be worse out there.”

He lived north of the city, just minutes from the television and movie studios, close enough for the voracious media and paparazzi to camp out on his doorstep, and hers as long as she stayed with him.

“I wouldn’t let that happen, sweetheart. And it would help if you changed your name back to Spade.”

It wasn’t the first time he’d made this suggestion. Even after moving and getting an unlisted number, the vultures had tracked her down. It made sense, especially starting fresh three thousand miles away, but taking back her maiden name seemed like such a betrayal, as though she was trying to erase the man she’d loved then lost entirely from her life.

“He was a cop, Esme,” Pax assured her, accurately anticipating her reaction. “If he were me advising you, Andrew would suggest the same thing.”

“I should be able to live in peace without giving up my identity.”

Again, there was a pause before he shocked her by saying, “Maybe you should do it, with editorial control over the script, of course. You’d be set for life, sweetheart. Like you’ve said often in the past few years, tragedy sells, especially when there is a beautiful widow in the center of it all.”

“Lonely widow,” she corrected him. “I never said beautiful.”

“Both are true,” he returned softly.

“I can’t capitalize on his death.”

“Pragmatist Andrew Burton would tell you to go for it. Besides, the experience might be cathartic, and getting it out there once and for all will leave the scavengers nothing to pick at your bones over anymore.”

She grimaced at the visual. “That’s what Barb said, and that dealing with it might bring me to closure.”

“You’re paying $250 per hour for her counsel; maybe you should listen.”

“I know you’re both right, but I’m torn. We grew up here, Pax. My best memories of him are here. I worry if I move, they will fade away. On the other hand, I’m afraid if I stay, the bad will destroy me.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “I drove by the coffee shop by accident.”

“Sweetheart.”

“I know. It was stupid even to be close to that side of town, but I had to go by the courthouse. There was a detour, and before I knew it, there I was.”

“Come to LA. I can take time off in a few weeks. I’ll fly out, help you pack, and we’ll rent a U-Haul for your stuff. You won’t escape all the memories, Esme, but you won’t have all the triggers. And you can stay with me until you find a place.”

“You’re wonderful to offer but having your best friend’s neurotic widow underfoot will cramp your bachelor lifestyle.”

“That’s BS and you know it. Besides, I’ve found a club, so my bachelor lifestyle will be perfectly fine with you here. I haven’t told you about it, but it’s something else, unlike anything back East. When you’re ready, I’ll take you there.”

The thought of being with someone else, another dominant besides Andrew, scared the crap out of her. “I don’t think I’ll ever be ready,” she whispered.

“Don’t say that. Andrew wouldn’t have wanted you to be alone.”

And she wouldn’t be anything other than that, staying behind in Baltimore.

“How does the fifteenth sound?” he said when she didn’t reply. “I’ll take the red-eye and be there around lunchtime?”

---