Before anyone can stop me, I climb to my feet and march towards the house. Josh jogs to catch up to me. “I can check on her.”
I slow down, but keep walking. “Just let me do my job.” My voice comes out harsher than I intended. I try to soften my tone. “I’m tired, anyway. Go back with your sisters. You guys are due for some quality time.”
He makes a face. “Is that what we’re calling that?”
I laugh. “Have fun.”
I’m smiling, keeping my tone light, but inside I’m feeling pretty low.
Charlie isn’t wrong when she asks why I didn’t go all the way. I ask myself that all the time. I did pretty well in high school. It’s not like I couldn’t get into the bigger schools. I even had a few scholarships. But I knew what I wanted to do, and I just wanted to get started.
I don’t personally regret the decisions I made, but every once and a while, I can’t help but to feel a little inadequate.
The Olson siblings have that effect on me. They’re all just so fucking… shiny.
Beautiful.
Smart.
Successful.
I feel outgunned when I’m around them.
Josh makes a damn good big brother. He’s patient. Easy going. And protective.
But those girls are protective of him, too, even if he doesn’t realize it.
I have to wonder if they’ll ever think I’m good enough for him.
Seems somewhat unlikely, considering I’m not even sure I’m up to his standards.
I step quietly into Josh’s bedroom where the kids are supposed to be sleeping. Trace is laying at a ninety-degree angle, snoring lightly. But Maven is sitting upright crying. I climb in beside her and she crawls into my arms.
Settling back, I lay my head on the pillow and she snuggles into my side.
Life is complicated. Grown-ups are complicated.
The love from a sweet little thing like Maven is pure and simple.
70.
Josh
“Well, way to go, Chuck.” Reese flops back on her seat, toasting Charlie with her beer bottle.
Charlie lets her hands flop. “Oh, here we go.”
Parker pulls a blanket around her body. “You were kind of rough on her.”
“I was just trying to get to know her. Jesus. I can’t win with you people. I’m either being too much or too little. Make up your minds.”
I hesitate on the perimeter of the light cast by the bonfire. I’m still thinking about turning around. When these girls get going, it can be knockdown, drag out and I’m not in the mood for that kind of thing.
I never really am.
Charlie tilts her chin. “I didn’t say anything to Erin that I didn’t say to Joshy.”
“Yeah, and it was rude when you said it to him, too.” Reese says.