Page 110 of This Broken Heart

I look out to sea, a pit opening up in my stomach when I see a big wave speeding towards the beach. Parker and Trace are oblivious.

“Parker!” I shout. “He’s too close to the water.”

She turns to look at me just as the wave crashes into both of them. She goes down in a tangle of limbs and when she comes back up sputtering sea water, she’s alone.

My hearing sort of goes out. All I can hear is a dull tone. It rings in my ears, filling my head with intense pressure.

I never make the conscious decision; my feet just carry me towards them. My gaze never leaves the water, searching for a little head. Waiting for it, hoping for it to pop back up.

The water is warmer than I expected. It swirls around my thighs, tugging at my shirt as I wade deeper. Charlie tries to follow me, but the waves just force her back. My gaze is locked on the waves, searching. I spot a flash of red fabric. His pajama shirt.

I dive under the next wave, struggling against the pulling, sucking sensation. I don’t catch him, so much as collide with him. My fingers scrabble at his body, snagging his shirt. I tug him to my chest and curl around him as another wave batters over us. And then I’m pushing off the ocean floor, forcing our heads above the water’s surface.

The next wave carries us closer to the beach. Charlie and Parker are wading closer. Another wave slams into my back and I feel the sand under foot give out from under me. I’m slipping. Their fingers connect with mine and I pass Trace off. Another wave hits me, I’m already off balance, so it easily clobbers me, sucking me under.

I go head over heels, getting dizzy. Disorientated. I can’t really tell which way is up anymore.

This is where my life is supposed to flash before my eyes.

But all I can think about is whether the girls managed to get Trace back to shore.

Maybe they’re out here with me.

God, let them be safe.

Something clamps around my arm.

Strong hands.

I’m pushed above the water’s surface just as another wave crashes over my head. Water fills my nose, my mouth, and I’m choking.

“I’ve got you. I’ve got you.” His voice is in my ear, his arm is around my waist.

My entire body is exhausted.

I’m dead weight. I’ll drag us both down.

“I’m sorry.” I hear myself say.

“I’m sorry.” I say again.

I’m sorry for everything that happened to him.

I’m sorry I couldn’t be enough.

I’m sorry I wasn’t brave enough to stay and fight for him.

He gave me the excuse to leave, and I took it.

It felt easier than putting myself through a gauntlet that might not have an end point.

But now it all seems so petty.

What was that fight even about?

I’m vaguely aware that I’m being carried. Gently laid on the sand.

Bodies crowd around, blocking out the light, until Josh barks at them to give me space.

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