Page 45 of The Second Dance

His fingers start combing through my hair again. “I wish you would have told me. I would have been more careful.”

Sothat’swhat this is about? How can I tell him that losing my virginity was a private moment for me? A private moment that required another person’s participation.

I just wanted to be in that moment, experiencing it. I didn’t want to have to worry about someone else’s feelings or thoughts. I didn’t want to perform.

And frankly, it lived up to the hype. It was God damn magical and I would cherish the heck out of the memory if not for everything that came after.

Too bad weekends don’t last forever. Mondays come for us all.

“Bo, you were…” I run out of words. My pride and honesty wage war. Honesty wins out. “It was perfect.”

If he’s this uptight about being my first, I can only imagine what he’d be like he knew he was theonly.

If he knew that tasty little tidbit, I think I’d spontaneously combust from humiliation.

Almost ten years with no sex. It’s got to be a record. I convinced myself I didn’t need it and after a while; it became true.

But holy hell, talk about breaking a seal. If you only have sex once every decade, mind-blowing is the way to go.

25.

Bo

“I never told anyone… About prom.” I say. The words have been swirling around my head and my heart for a decade and they just sort of spin out of me.

She goes still against my body. Propping myself up, my fingers trace her jaw. I need her to look into my eyes and see the truth there. “I didn’t say a word to anyone after that night. Not my friends. My parents. No one.”

She peers up at me. Still glowing from sex, her lips are swollen, and her hair is ruffled around her like a halo. She is so beautiful, and I am laying myself out before her, hoping she’ll see into my heart.

Her eyes study my face, flicking from eye to eye.

Her eyebrows knit together slightly and her lips part in surprise. “I believe you.”

“I tried to tell you then…”

She winces, gaze falling away. “I know.”

“I should have tried harder.”

“I don’t think I would have listened.”

I briefly consider going to my dresser to find the pendant I bought her all those years ago. It was always hers. She should have it.

But I discard the idea.

Too much too soon.

“I’ve always regretted the way things turned out.” I pause. The rational half of my brain is telling me to stop there. To maintain my cool. But my filter is broken tonight, and the words rush out, anyway. “I’ve always had a little crush on you. Ever since you and I got paired up in the Christmas program.”

Her dark blue eyes find mine. “That was in second grade.”

“Yes, it was.” I say, giving her a cautious smile. “But you never paid me any mind. And then after prom, I thought maybe I’d finally caught your attention.”

She slings an arm over her face, hiding her expression from me. My fingers curl around her arm, gently tugging it down. I need her to see me. I need her to hear this from me. “The way they treated you wasn’t right, Andy. I’m so sorry that happened. I should have done more to shield you from that.”

“What could you have done?” She asks, bitterness tinging her voice. “That’s just the law of the jungle, Bo. Guys who have sex are gods, women are sluts.”

“I didn’t think that then. I don’t think that now. But you’re right. That’s how a lot of people operate.”

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