Page 28 of Undeniable

What I can’t believe is that I did what I have trained myself not to do. I trusted. I trusted that there was something between us. I trusted that this was more than a quick fuck. I trusted that maybe, there were some decent human beings out there. Silly me. Lesson learned. I won’t make the same mistake twice.

Chapter Eleven

Giovanni

Fuck. Shit, fuck, shit.

I can’t believe I did that. I can’t fucking believe it. I caved, I had a moment of weakness, and I am such a piece of shit for it.

I have tried to deny it, but it obviously hasn’t been working. I am attracted to Tasha, hell, I like her personality too. She is a great girl, but she isn’t my Izzy. She isn’t my wife. I let myself forget for a little while and that is something I vowed I never would.

She was so good with Ashlynn. I could hear her reassuring her and giving her words of love and praise while she gave Luca and I updates. She used the same kind voice with her that I hear her use with Alessandro. The same one she used on me when she found me piss drunk on Isabelle’s death anniversary.

I pretended like I didn’t remember her coming over and bringing my son a gift only those closest to him would know he would treasure, but I do. I remember everything. I remember the way she smelled, the way her body fit against mine perfectly, the way her tiny hand was swallowed by my own. I remember wanting to kiss her then and never wanting to let go. Thank god I had the alcohol induced pass out, or I no doubt would have acted then.

Unfortunately, it seems all it did was delay the inevitable. Here I am, in the very position I was petrified to be in. I betrayed my wife and in the same move, hurt Tasha. It isnt the fact that I slept with Tasha, I have slept with others and felt not an ounce of remorse or guilt. It is the fact that from the moment my lips touched her, all thoughts of Izzy faded away, all there was in my mind washer. She consumed me like a forest fire, destroying all of my guilt and burning my resolve to the ground, at least for a little while.

When the fog lifted and her sweet voice said my name so uncertain, I knew I had fucked up. I hadn’t just screwed her. I gave myself over to her, whether she realized it or not I had given her apart of me and then like a coward, I ran. I couldn’t even bear to look at her, for fear of what it would do to me.

I thought I was ready, I thought maybe I could give her a chance, hell, give myself a chance. But this further proves what a piece of shit I am. I never even deserved Izzy, I sure as shit don’t deserve Tasha. Maybe this is God’s further punishment. I let my wife die on my watch and in return, I live a life of guilt, regret and loneliness.

I wish it was that easy. Unfortunately, I have to face the music and see Tasha in 2 minutes and 35 seconds. That is if she even decides to show up this morning, who would blame her if she didn’t? What kind of man practically devours a woman, fucks her with everything he has in her apartment elevator and then leaves without a single word, naked and hurt.

All night I did my best to push the memories out of my head. But like a video playing over and over again I just heard her moans, the way she called out my name, the way her body looked and felt wrapped up in my arms and then the insecurity and brokenness her voice took on when she realized what I was doing.

I fucked up. I should have never touched her. I had no right, and now I have to own up to it. As always, at 7AM on the dot a light knocking comes from the door. I blow out a deep breath an pull it open to a composed looking Tasha. I am surprised she showed up and a small part of me hates that I am also a little relived. I don’t know if I could ever look Alessandro in the eye again if he knew that one of his most favorite people in the world disappeared without a goodbye all because of me, again. Fuck.

“Tasha,” I greet softly.

Her ice blue eyes look up to me and that is exactly what they are, ice. She gives me an impassive look that is so frigid, chills literally wrack drown my spine. I open my mouth to say something, what I don’t know, just something but before I can she breezes past me through the door and makes her way into the kitchen.

I solemnly follow after her and notice that she is making a cup of coffee for herself and me just like normal. It throws me off for a second and I start to question my own sanity. Last night happened, didn’t it?

“Tasha. I wanted to talk to you,” I say.

“About what?” She asks casually, without a single ounce of contempt in her voice.

My brows furrow as I pause to look at her. She is the picture of relaxed except those eyes. That is where my condemnation lies. The promise is there that she will never let me get close to her like that again. That she will never be vulnerable again with me. Good. It is better that way.

“About last night,” I continue.

She waves a nonchalant hand in the air as she takes a sip of her coffee.

“Don’t worry about it. It was obviously a mistake, we are both adults. No reason to make things uncomfortable for either of us.”

“There isnt?” I ask, a little caught off guard by how cavalier she is about it all.

Tasha shrugs as she sets it down.

“I think we both have learned our lesson. No use in harping on it.”

“A harp is an instrument! Do you play the harp Tasha?” Alessandro asks from behind me as he comes into the kitchen, walking straight up to her for his morning hug.

Her hard exterior cracks and she gives my son the warmest of smiles and she holds him tight.

“Unfortunately my musical talents end around where my artistic ones do.”

“That bad?” Alessandro asks with wide eyes.

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