Page 32 of Bronx

"I'm sitting on the other side of this. Bulldozer was a workmate, but that was really the start and finish of our relationship. I saw how he treated you and I hated him for it. But it was none of my business or so I told myself many times. All I know is this thing between us feels so damn right that I can't imagine my life without you."

She looked down at her cup again. "I feel like I'm betraying him. You and I, we admired each other from afar, but we never acted on our feelings. We never did anything wrong."

I sat up straighter feeling hopeful, feeling like maybe this could still work.

"But," she said quickly, softly.

I shook my head. "I hate that word. But is never followed by something I want to hear."

She forced a weak smile. It only served to make the ache in my chest stronger. "Like you said, you and Adam were just work acquaintances and while your jobs required a much deeper meaning of that phrase than two people in an office or department store, it's still far from the depth of relationship I had with him. He wasn't just my husband. We grew up together. For all his faults, he never wavered in his affection for me. And I can say the same about him." She reached over for my hand. I gave it to her. I curled my fingers around hers. "I love being with you, and I'm happier than I can remember when we're together. But I don't think my conscience can allow this to flourish. That video—" She shook her head and released my hand. I kept mine there a moment longer hoping she'd reconsider everything, the hand holding, the words she was about to use to skewer my heart. "That stupid drunken video shook me to my core. It made me feel dirty and wrong as if I'd had an affair but worse. It's worse because he made that video on a drunken whim, but it was eerily prophetic. He died a few months later, and there I was just fifteen months later, in the arms of his perceived enemy." She sniffled again and spoke before I could defend my own position. "It hurts too much right now. I might feel different later on but right now, it's all still too raw." She sniffled. "I still wear his socks at night when my feet are cold. I still sometimes forget he's gone and when the phone rings, I think it's him. It's all crazy but completely normal in stages of grief, but I moved too fast on this. I don't expect you to understand. And I know you're hurting." She pushed her fist against her chest. "I've got an angry knot right here. I don't expect relief anytime soon."

Her words streamed from her amazing lips and straight into my heart. This was over before it even started. Deep down, I knew the whole thing was tenuous at best, but I hadn't expected it to fray so quickly and so completely. The sting was going to be sharp and intense for a long time.

"I'm trying to look at all of this from your point of view, Layla. I see it but it's hard to absorb. It's hard because I want to be with you so fucking badly that I feel like a piece of me is gone. I won't be whole again anytime soon."

"I know." Her face dropped again. I could see tears glisten on the ends of her long, dark lashes. "I feel the same way."

Sitting there across from her, so close that I could smell her shampoo, was making my head spin. I stood up from the chair. "I'm going to eat something and then go out and muck. Can I get you anything?" My voice sounded cold, but there wasn't anything I could do. It was hitting me like a cement block. I was working hard to keep my emotions in check.

She sensed the coldness, and her bottom lip quivered for a second. "No, I'm good. I've got a book. I think I'll just sit out on your mom's swing and read. Unless you need help with the animals. I've never mucked, but I'm sure I can shovel shit with the best of them." Her attempt at humor, though badly timed, helped soften the tension in the air.

"Thanks but I think I'll keep the shit all to myself this morning. Are you sure you wouldn't like an egg? They're fresh. My mom's going to ask why there's so much food left."

She crossed her arms around herself even though the kitchen was warm. "You know, I think an egg might be good. My stomach is a little empty."

I nodded and turned to the refrigerator. Something occurred to me as I reached in to pluck out some eggs. I closed the fridge and looked at Layla. "I hope you don't mind me asking this, but if my parents happen to come early, can we, you know, pretend that we're still a couple. They are so crazy about you, they'd be sorely disappointed. That way I can tell them sometime down the road." Everything I was saying and asking was driving the stake deeper into my chest, but it was true. They would be heartbroken to know that Layla and I were no longer dating.

Layla smiled but it was a sad smile. "Of course. I'd never do anything to hurt them. And Jack, just so you know, this is horrible, everything about us having to end it before it really got started, it's heartbreaking. And the really terrible thing is—I think this was headed toward something incredible."

My throat tightened. All I could do was nod in response.

26

Layla and I had parted from our weekend without more than a brief hug. I kept trying to see things from her side, but my strong feelings for her made it hard to see clearly. All I knew was that the woman of my dreams had left my life, most likely for good and all because of her past marriage. It nearly killed me to think about, but, soon enough, she'd meet some other guy, someone who had no connection to Bulldozer and off they'd ride into the sunset. It seemed like a big fucking case of unfairness to me, but I had to respect her decision. It just wasn't going to be easy to push any of this aside.

As I drove to base camp for a meeting on safety updates, I reminded myself that I was going to be sitting in the same room as Helix. The fight with Bulldozer had put a mark on my record, and I wasn't about to blow my whole career, one I loved, to fight with Helix. But I did have a few choice words for the guy, words I'd been chewing on, like gristle, during my drive to the base.

I pulled in and hadn't seen Kingston's car until he sliced up next to me, threw his car in park and climbed out. "You and me have got to talk, buddy. Not out here. In your jeep."

I laughed. "Are you pulling my leg?" I was sure he was just clowning around until he circled behind my jeep and climbed inside. I sat back down in the driver's seat. Some of the other guys were arriving, but there was no sign of Helix's big, lifted truck yet. I looked over at Kingston. "What's up, drama queen?"

He shoved me. It was hard enough for me to smack my head against the side window. "What the fuck, King? Have you lost what was left of that mind of yours?"

"Why didn't you tell me you were taking Layla out to the ranch? I thought we told each other everything. I'm hanging out in a bar with Angus, Kaos and Mixx, and right in the middle of my third beer, I discover that my best friend, Jack Bronx Devlin, was seeing Bulldozer's widow. And I learned through a text on Mixx's phone. I was hearing it third party, for fucksake."

"Well, you weren't missing anything because it's over. Helix saw to that."

"Hell yeah it's over. You know you've always got my support, but Kaos and Angus, they were pissed. They considered it a betrayal, especially after Helix sent the video to everyone's phone. He wanted to make sure to crown you asshole of the year."

I raked my hair back with my fingers. "Fuck, Kaos and Angus? Thought they'd at least be on my side. Mixx?"

"He said he was staying neutral. You know Mixx, he doesn't like to step into turmoil. But it was that fucking video, the one with Bulldozer piss drunk. He said—"

I put up my hand. "You don't need to tell me. His fucking words have been carved into my chest."

King pushed up his sunglasses. "I don't get it. Why did he single you out? I mean everyone knew you had a crush on Layla but—" He paused and fisted me in the shoulder.

I rubbed it and shook my head at him. "Could you calm the fuck down before they have to take me out of here on a stretcher."

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