Page 35 of Bronx

"And me," I added.

"And you . . . sort of." She grunted in frustration. "This whole thing sucks. I've got to go. I'm being paged. Again, don't do anything that will put your job in jeopardy. I just needed to vent and because of the aforementioned lack of people I can commiserate with, I decided to burden you with my troubles. Only, I selfishly forgot that you were going to be heading into your own tsunami of problems." She paused for a second. "You know what—that picnic, alone, was worth the headache. I've got to go." She hung up before I could say another word. But I did have some words, some words for the people down at base camp.

As was always the case, the downhill half of the run was much easier and faster. The trot down the trail gave me some time to cool off after hearing what had happened to Layla. It gave me time to put together my thoughts. I had to avoid getting in trouble, while, at the same time, letting myjudgmentalworkmates know how things were going to play out from this day forward.

I stopped in the locker room bathroom to rinse my face. It was going to be hard to lay down the law, so to speak, with sweat dripping into my eyes. Everyone else had already filled water cups and sat back down at the meeting tables. Now the donut table was lonely. It seemed a five mile run on a semi-warm day didn't leave an appetite for deep fried pastry. Even the sugary smell made me feel sick to my stomach, or it might have been queasiness about the forthcoming speech.

Chuck entered from the opposite door as I stepped into the meeting room from the locker room. Everyone was tired and red faced and far more subdued than this morning. The tension had been replaced by physical exhaustion. King and I were two of the few crew members who liked to run, even in the off season. Today it was coming in handy because I was feeling pumped. I strode over to Chuck.

"Can I have the floor for a few minutes before you start?" I asked.

Chuck's bushy brow twitched a little. "Guess I was right about the tension being aimed at you."

I nodded. "Yes, sir. And I've got to say a few things to clear the air. If that's all right, sir."

He motioned toward the waiting audience. "Go ahead but make it fast. We're already behind."

I stood at the front of the room and suddenly knew what Mr. Robertson, the most hated teacher in my high school, felt like. "If you guys could refrain from shooting spit balls at me, I'll make this short and sweet. Well, short anyhow." I glanced at Kingston for a dose of courage, but he looked confused as hell about why I would voluntarily put myself up in front of the firing squad.

"Right, so, apparently I'm public enemy number one because I did this crazy fucked up thing. I fell in love."

Helix scoffed, slumped down and stretched out his legs. "This should be entertaining."

"Sharpe," Chuck reprimanded Helix brusquely. "If you've got a problem with this, you and I can have a nice little chat in my office."

Helix sat up. "No, sir. I'm fine." He put on a smile that reminded me of one of those painted on creepy clown smiles.

I took a breath. "I fell in love, and yes, I fell in love with Layla Rafferty long before Bulldozer—" I looked down and shook my head. "Anyhow. Layla helped me when I was reeling about my dad's cancer diagnosis, and well—you guys know her. She's amazing. At that time we were just friends. We talked to each other through emails. I'd be happy to share those with every one of you. The main context of every email was about cancer. So if that makes us monsters, then so be it. Bulldozer's been gone for more than a year. We all miss him"—I looked straight at Helix—"yes, that includes me. Bulldozer was, he was the life of the party. It was never a dull minute with that guy, and he was a helluva a firefighter. I always felt proud to be working alongside him on a fire line." I forged ahead even with the frosty scowls directed at me. "Layla and I started seeing each other, and I can tell you it was heading in the right direction. I've never been as happy and Layla was too. But the video affected her, just as it was intended to do." I looked pointedly at Helix. He had his arms crossed hard and his jaw set firmly. "We've decided not to see each other, and frankly, my heart is irreparably damaged. Just like we hear from Mixx every Monday after a long weekend, 'for me, she's the one'." Dry chuckles made their way around the tables. Helix was not amused. "Only for me, she really is the one. And now she's the one who got away. Now, all of you know me, and you know me well. I'm still here to do one thing, be the best fucking firefighter I can be. I'll watch your backs, just like you watch mine. But if you guys think I'm too much of a fuck up, a fuck up for following my heart to Layla Rafferty, then I'll put in for a transfer to the Montana base."

A few grumbles made their way around the room but the atmosphere was still tense. Helix sat silently, arms crossed and nostrils lightly flared. It seemed my speech was making him more resolved to hate me.

"One more thing before Chuck kicks me off center stage." I looked directly at Helix. "I know you think you're protecting Layla, doing what your best friend asked, but sending out that video and the news that Layla and I were seeing each other caused a pretty nasty backlash online. She called me this morning." He sat up a little straighter. "That's right, she called me. She's getting trolled with all kinds of hateful comments. She had to turn off her social media accounts. So your plan did the opposite. I'm going to leave that to you to take care of, and I'm going to assume none of that nastiness came from anyone in this room."

Chuck stepped forward. "If I find out any of you have been harassing Mrs. Rafferty online or elsewhere, there will be hell to pay."

"That's all I've got to say. I yield the floor to the honorable Captain Coltrane."

"Yeah, yeah smart ass. Sit down already," Chuck chided. "All right, in front of you is the newest list of safety protocols. We're going to go through each one."

Grumbles of disappointment rolled around the tables. I sat down at the table with Kingston, Angus and Kaos. Only King, with a faint chin life, showed approval for what I'd said. Kaos avoided looking at me and Angus's scowl remained. It made sense. He and Bulldozer got along well. They hung out, even after work. Kingston had never left my side, a true friend. I'd meant what I said about the transfer and just maybe that was going to be my best option. A good smokejumping team required mutual trust and respect. If I'd lost that, then it would be time to move to another crew. It might even help me forget the main source for the knot in my gut, losing Layla.

28

The high school style shunning continued the next day. I'd hoped my speech would soften up at least my closest buddies, Kaos and Angus but they seemed determined to let me know I was a fucking traitor. Even Mixx, who generally stayed out of any kind of drama, seemed to be avoiding me.

I slammed shut my locker. Chuck had sensed that tensions were still high and made us do another five mile run. My angry coworkers were blaming that on me as well. Angus and Mixx walked out of the locker room, leaving only Kingston and me.

"Like being in fucking high school," I noted.

Kingston was stuck squarely in the middle of it all, trying to stay loyal to me and at the same time keeping ties with everyone else. He had been unusually quiet, even through the run where he normally cussed at every flying insect or ankle wrenching rock.

"You don't have to hang with me, King. I appreciate your—"

"I've been thinking—" King sat on the bench. He rubbed his wet hair with a towel and dropped it around his shoulders. "I've been trying to put myself in Helix's shoes, you know? My dad always used to preach about having empathy for others, you know sticking yourself into someone else's situation to really understand their feelings." He laughed dryly. "Pretty rich from the guy who ignored his wife when she was sick with depression but that's whatever." He peered up at me. "If you'd had an amazing wife like Layla and you had died out on the mountainside and then Helix swept in to start dating her"—he pulled his gaze away and rubbed his head again, even though his short hair was mostly dry—"I'd be pissed, Bronx. That's all I'm saying. I know you two were happy together and it sucks that you can't stay that way but—" He looked up at me again. "It's better this way, you know?"

"Better for everyone else," I muttered.

"You'll get past this," Kingston added. "Hey, you didn't mean what you said yesterday, did you? You're not seriously thinking about putting in for a transfer, are you?"

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