Page 126 of All at Once

As the song builds up, I subtly turn around so that his chest is pressed against my back. It’s obvious enough to where he could take the initiative and do something.

Yet, he still doesnothing.

When the song gets quieter closer to the end, I whisper in his ear, “You know, you don’t need to be this cautious with me.” Iwant to sound casual, while also reassuring him that I’m comfortable. Since he’s treating me like heknowsI don’t have any experience, which is the exactoppositeof what I want. And a big reason why I kept it from Enrique in the first place.

Luca’s brows furrow. “What do you mean?”

“If something feels overwhelming, I’ll let you know,” I clarify.

When his expression only grows more confused, my back tenses, not wanting to have sounded so obvious that it takes the spontaneity out of the moment. Despite the tension that’s building in my shoulders and how sweaty my palms are, I confess, “I don’t want my lack of experience to affect how you treat me.”

It’s direct. Maybe a littletoodirect. But it’s how I feel. And it wouldn’t be smart to now avoid things I wanted to say in the past, even when I was embarrassed to say them.

He tilts his head to the side. “I wasn’t trying to do that. I’m sorry if it came across that way.”

“Maybe I misinterpreted it then,” I say. “I guess I’m a little confused.”

“About what?” He brushes a stray strand of hair from my face so sweetly that I feel bad for questioning him.

“If you…you know? About the physical stuff.” I know that’s not even a sentence, but I find myself choking on my words all of a sudden. I’m more than aware that I’ve been vulnerable around him plenty of times now. Told him things way more personal than this. But now that we’re together, it feels different. I swallow the lump in my throat, wondering if maybe I’m over sharing.

Luca blinks knowingly all of a sudden. “I don’t want you to think that my mind is stuck on only thatonething.”

“If you’re referring to sex, why would that be a bad thing?” I ask.

“It’s not. That’s not what I’m trying to say.”

“And if your mind is thinking about it, I don’t want you to feel like you can’t express what you want with me.”

His eyes soften as his tone grows more serious. “No, I know that. I just don’t want to disrespect you or anything.”

The concern in his eyes. The patience in his voice. Now that my previous suspicions have been confirmed, ironically, I’m evenmoreturned on. “The fact that you’re saying this is enough for me to know that you’re not doing that,” I say.

He brushes my hand as my chest tightens at the subtle contact. “You’ve waited years, and I don’t want to change the way youwant it to happen.”

Yeah, I’m going to fall down at any moment.

I bring my hands up to his neck, not only needing support, but also just wanting to touch him. “But it’s not just about me anymore. I care about whatbothof us want. And trust me, if I’m giving you any impressions of doubt it’s just my awkwardness and not at all me worrying that you’re pressuring me to do something.”

“Okay. Thank you for telling me how you feel.”

“I didn’t mean to bring down the mood though.” I sigh, trying not to roll my eyes at myself.

He shakes his head. “You didn’t. I’m happy that you talked to me.”

“You weren’t wrong when you said communication might not feel sexy sometimes. I know it was necessary to bring up since I was thinking about it…which is why I decided to talk to you in thebestpossible setting.” I chuckle nervously.

Luca leans forward, igniting my entire body as he gives me a seductive glare. I can’t read his next move. Yet, I can feel the excitement dancing along my skin, my chest slightly arching into him as a reflex.

“Here. Now it’s my turn to communicate.” His posture grows more confident. “Do you remember that second party?”

“How could I forget…” I roll my eyes at the reminder of how I behaved. “Why?”

“I wanted to kiss you sobadly when you walked up to me. But then I realized you were drunk.” He glances at my lips. “And even more when you told me later that night how you wanted me to at the wedding.”

I groan. “So there’s more from that night that I told you about?”

A cocky grin spreads across his face. “You also said you think my back’s solid and that I should stop working out so much.”

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