Page 144 of All at Once

“No, I want to do this before I go,” I reassure because I do. “I’m as ready as I’ll ever be.” Remembering how he previously told me that having more experience doesn’t remove all of your nerves, I make sure to ask, “Are you also ready to do this with me?”

“I am.” His eyes are so sincere as he traces my cheek gently that it almost hurts how raw this feels.

There’s too many highlights from the evening to pinpoint, but the last thing I remember was him pulling me in closely as I fell asleep on his shoulder, so consumed by his cozy scent not just on him or his sheets, but now also onme.

_________

I expected to have a more peaceful dream after all that. It’s actually quite shocking to hear a loud thud continuing on a loop. Except when I jolt awake, Luca also looks as perplexed as I do, when I realize that it’snota dream and that someone’s knocking on the door of his apartment.

“Who do you think it could be?” I ask, while scrambling to find my clothes.

“I have no idea.” Luca hastily puts his shirt and pants back on and glances over at me. “You can wait here. I’ll be right back.”

“No, I’ll come with you,” I say as he looks at me with a hesitant expression.

As we walk down the hallway, Luca recognizes the fuzzy yet loud voice from outside. “Luca!”

It’s Enrique. But his voice sounds different. Shaky. Exhausted. And maybe even a bit broken.

He continues to knock before Luca opens the door.

My chest tightens at the sight of Enrique’s face. He seems just as frazzled as I suspected, except he’s also drunk. Drunk enough to not care that I’m also here before he stumbles right past us and into the kitchen, immediately slumping onto the floor.

When we join him by the counter, Luca kneels down and asks, “Enrique, what happened?”

Enrique just mutters for a few moments before he gazes blankly over at the living room. “Why can’t I doanyof it right?”

Luca moves forward a bit. “What?”

“Why don’t any of them know?” Enrique’s brows crease as he leans back against the wall. “How didn’tsheknow?” He presses his hands to his forehead in frustration.

“Who?” Luca asks with a growing confusion.

Enrique glances up at me and says, “Jasmine.”

I freeze.

Luca’s chest rises as he leans back before he clears his throat. “Didn’t know…what?”

“That I was interested.” Enrique shakes his head. “That I wasn’t just messing around.” Before Luca can ask a follow up, Enrique looks at me and says, “It’s not just about you.” He almost stutters, “There has to be something I keep doing wrong.”

I want to interject and say something, but no words escape my mouth. Deep down, I know it’s not my place. I know there’s nothing I can do or say in this moment.

Luca leans forward and reassuringly holds Enrique’s shoulder. “You’re not doing anything wrong.You’re—”

Enrique interrupts with sarcasm, “I’mnot?” An angry glint builds in his eyes. “Then why does every girl think I’m just fucking with them?” I almost shudder when he glances away from us both only to say quietly, “Why does my dad think this? I don’t get it…he was so happy after the wedding.” Enrique pauses, his face puzzled. “He wasproud of me.” The way his voice cracks on the word “proud” sends a jolt through my heart. I feel itdeepinto my bones.

As Luca sits next to Enrique, I go into the kitchen to bring them both glasses of water. Not only to help Enrique rehydrate from the alcohol in his body and relax both of their nerves, but even more so because I don’t know how to help, yet desperatelywantto.

I thought I would have been more affected by how Enrique showed up here without warning this evening. An evening that will now hold a lot of meaning for me, with the many firsts that I experienced not even a few hours ago.

But the knowing tone of Enrique’s voice, the frustration consuming his face, and most of all his mention of his father, brought me back to a place I know all too well. One that I know is so difficult one conversation could never quite translate its meaning. And most of all its pain.

CHAPTER 24

“All Of The Girls You Loved Before” – Taylor Swift

MY HEART FLUTTERS WHEN THE first thing I notice as my eyes open the next morning is Luca’s face resting on my chest and his fingers clasped onto my t-shirt. Even after driving Enrique back to the resort and staying with him until he fell asleep, Luca still couldn’t sleep when he came back to the apartment. It wasn’t until I ran my fingers through his hair for about half an hour that his eyes shut close as he drifted off.

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