Page 158 of All at Once

“I know you keep saying you’re not doing anything, but trust me, you are.”

“Okay, I trust you,” he says playfully, while pulling me in closer.

It’s the perfect moment to play with the dangling strands of his dirty golden hair as I coyly say, “And I’ve also learned a lot.”

“About?”

“Sex.”

He cocks his head, intrigued. “Like?”

“How creative someone can get with their tongue.”

He licks his lips without a smile. “I mean, it’s not that hard considering how good you taste.”

When I cover my blushing cheeks with my hands, he gently moves them away from my face and says, “You know why I kept telling you to look at me?”

“Why?” I say, though I fear I’m not ready to hear his answer, but alsodesperately needto hear it right this very second.

“Because seeing the look in your eyes when you’re in that much pleasure is enough to make me crumble.”

Yeah, I wasn’t ready to hear that…

As if that wasn’t enough, he adds, “It’s making me hard again just thinking about it.” My cheeks continue to flush as I run my fingers through his hair while we talk. “By the way the initial discomfort that you felt should get better or even go away after the first few times.”

I bite down on my bottom lip at the implication of his comment. “I think it’s only fair to test that theory before I leave…”

“You’re leaving in two days, right?” he asks, a slight crack in his voice that I try to not dwell too much on. But when I nod, he grins. “That should beplenty of time.”

As he holds me in his arms, my heart flutters not just at everything that happened tonight or what’s to come, but how at peace I finally feel with the fact that certain things just didn’t happen for me on the same timeline that I had once hoped for.

When Luca mentionedtime, it got me thinking of how I used to be told by my family that I’m just a late-bloomer. That’s all.

I don’t know why, but something about that phrase always rubbed me the wrong way. As if there’s somehow a shortcoming hidden behind the meaning.

As inI’m late. Behind. Not where I should be.

Not on time.

But it’s all relative.

If everyone was supposed to have their first kiss at 23, then I wouldn’t be a late-bloomer then, would I?

Now more than ever, I know thatI’mnot late.You’renot late.No oneis.

You’re at the right pace that works for you, and whether you “bloom” at 18 or 25 orbeyond, you’re right where you need to be.

So I wouldn’t call myself a late-bloomer. I’m just a girl who’s been trying to figure out her shit. Who’s still trying to.

And while a younger me would have wanted this to happen sooner, after knowing Luca, I would’ve waitedeven longerto experience this the way that I have with him.

Open, safe, and all-consuming.

CHAPTER 26

“Daylight” – Taylor Swift

I WAS SO ENTRANCED LAST night (and am even more so now) that I’ve completely changed my mind with how I want to explain everything to Georgia as I type out a message for her the next morning:

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