Page 46 of All at Once

Literallyevery personthat I meet. Of course that’s not what I tell him. I try to explain, “I think it’s equal parts me being naturally curious, but to some extent also searching for understanding through others’ experiences.” I look out the window again, this time more solemnly. “I guess I try to look for a common ground to maybe feel a little lessweirdabout how I am.”

Luca’s eyes lose their playfulness. “I wasn’t trying to imply that it’s a bad thing. And I don’t think waiting to do something until you feel you’re ready makes you weird.”

So he remembers everything that I told him last night, and didn’t forget anything the way I hadhopedfor?

I sigh. “By the way, sorry for ruining your night.”

He shakes his head. “You didn’t ruin my night. It was one of the more interesting conversations I’ve had in a while actually.”

“I still can’t believe I told you all that,” I admit, slumping down the passenger seat, continuing to dwell on my lack of a filter that’s only emphasized when my anxiety is at an all-time high (aka last night). “As if it wasn’t embarrassing enough, now someone else knows about this.”

“I told you I won’t tell Enrique,” Luca reassures.

“No I mean, I wish I didn’t tellyoueither.”

“You think I’m going to make fun of you for it?” He sounds genuinely insulted. “I wouldn’t do that.”

“It’s not about you. I’ve never talked about this withanyoneother than my best friend and my mom. But I freaked out last night and well…you know the rest,” I say, taking a deep breath.

“I understand.” His voice softens. “I won’t bring it up again if it bothers you.”

“No it doesn’t bother me. It’s just a lot of firsts,” I explain. “Like having lunch the other day with a bunch of guys also felt new for me. I’ve never even had guy friends. Hence why I don’t really know what I’m saying half the time aroundanyof you.” I sigh.

“You think guys know what they’re saying around girls?” Luca counters. “No onereallyknows what they’re doing. We’re all just winging it and hoping for the best.”

“That’s a relief to hear,” I admit.

Then something I didn’t even consider earlier enters my mind.

“Oh and about the experience thing, it’s not that I’ve never had the opportunity. I’ve been asked out before.” My awkward phrasing at the very least matches everything else.

“I don’t doubt that,” Luca says in a tone that I can’t quite read.

“I’m being serious,” I say.

“So am I.” His forehead creases as he glances over at me. “Why would I be sarcastic about something that clearly seems this personal to you?”

“I don’t know.” I shrug. “I can’t really tell when you’re being sarcastic.”

“Really?” he exaggerates.

So he sees through my words. Since in reality, I’ve been picking up on his sarcasm pretty well.

I guess it feels a bit odd to think I’m finally being understood by a guy for once.

Growing more self-conscious, I add, “Just clarifying that it’s mainly been my own decision to wait.” That’s only partially true. Given how there’s a multitude of reasons as to why it hasn’t happened yet. Reason’s that even he doesn’t know about yet.

“You don’t need to explain the reason to me,” Luca offers sincerely.

I sigh at his simplicity. “If only everyone would react that way.”

“Welleveryoneisn’t important,” he emphasizes. “If a loser is going to ridicule you about something like this, it speaks more aboutthemthan it does about you.”

“Thanks,” I say, feeling a little better after hearing this.

Even though Georgia has said something similar to me previously, hearing a guy confirm it as well makes it seem more validating. I know how this sounds, and I’d like to think that I’m smarter than this.I know I am.His opinion isn’t any more meaningful than my friend’s, so this is yet another layer of my insecurities resurfacing.

My eyes widen when we pull into a street filled with small shops and boutiques just minutes later. “Are we alreadyhere?” I ask.

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