Page 57 of All at Once

“But it’s not likely?” I ask.

“Not everything has to be a date,” he reasons. “You’re still spending time with each other.”

“You know what? You’re right. Maybe he even has plans for just the two of us afterward?”

Seeing Luca’s pursed lips makes me realize I’m veering toward dangerous territories again. Ones where my fantasies project themselves onto, convincing myself that reality can follow suit.

After doing a good job at mostly avoiding the topic for the past two days, I ask, “So what comes next?” I clarify, “Now that we’ve kissed.”

Luca places his phone on the nightstand, realizing that this is going to be a long conversation. “What do you mean ‘what comes next?’ Whatever you feel comfortable with.”

“How do I know what I’m comfortable with?” I groan more so to myself than to him.

“Just try and test something out. See what you like and don’t like. What other way really is there?” he says with a shrug.

“I’m barely still used to just kissing,” I say. “How am I going to initiate the rest? I don’t even know where to start.”

“You don’t have to go in thinking that it’s your job to seduce him,” Luca says, his lips curving in amusement.

I narrow my eyes at him. “Funny.”

“No, really,” he says seriously. “There are more subtle things that you can do that will be more than enough for him to know you’re interested.”

“Like?” I ask.

He suggests, “Touching his shoulder when you’re having a good conversation, reaching out to hold his hand, brushing the side of his hair. Things like that.”

He makes it sound so easy.Tooeasy.

Yet I try to be positive. “I can do that. Maybe I’ll see if he wants to hold my hand on the hike tomorrow.”

“Just see what comes natural to you,” Luca recommends, the warmth in his eyes relaxing me a bit, even from across the room.

“Okay. Thanks.” I exhale, releasing the tension in my shoulders. “I’m sorry if it’s weird that I brought this up again since it’s your friend we’re talking about.”

He leans back into his chair with brows creased. “Yeah. That’s the only odd part for me as well.”

“I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable,” I say, feeling self-conscious suddenly. “I won’t bring it up again.”

Luca quickly shakes his head. “No. It’s fine. I’m not uncomfortable. I don’t want you to feel like you don’t have anyone to talk to about this.”

My period could explain the slight tingle in my eyes after hearing his words. But I think it’s more than that.

It’s the fact that he understands how important freedom of expression is for me, and how things might be different if I could actually talk about the things I want rather than keep shutting them inside.

I look up at him, my lips timidly curving upwards. “That means a lot. Thank you.” When he smiles, I take the chance to return back to our previous, more light-hearted banter. “You know, it’s a shame that I didn’t get to show off my surfing technique today.”

“I think I have a pretty good picture of what that would’ve looked like,” Luca says, raising his brows mockingly.

I look for a pillow to throw at him, but I can’t find any more (to my dismay).

“If I had more energy right now, you’d be toast,” I joke while he obnoxiously shields his face with his arms.

It’s funny. I realize I was too busy laughing all this time to notice the pain that I’m still in. Talking to Luca in this room made everything, including my stressful job search, seem somehow less important.

CHAPTER 9

“August” – Taylor Swift

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