Page 93 of All at Once

I smile. “Yeah, you’re right!”

My eyes light up as quickly as they turn melancholy. The thought of leaving in a little more than a week is really starting to sink in. When Luca’s smile also drops a little, I can’t help but wonder if he’s thinking the same.

Then the curve of his lips disappears, his expression growing tender.

“Jasmine, I’m really sorry for what I said to you.”

“Luca, you don’t need to apologize again. I should have told you I was annoyed instead of lashing out at you like that last night.”

“I understand why you said everything that you did,” he offers. “I also didn’t mean to put you in an uncomfortable position at the party.”

I appreciate the way he’s downplaying my words, but he shouldn’t. “That wasn’t your fault at all,” I say. “And it was so wrong for me to make you feel like it was.”

His eyes are filled with regret. Even more than the first time he tried to apologize. “I promise I had no idea. But in hindsight I should have at least wondered if skinny dipping could have been a possibility.”

“I believe you. It’s okay,” I insist.

It’s my turn to say sorry. For clearly hurting the one person who’s helped me this entire trip. Teaching me how to surf. Talking to me about things that I’d never thought I’d feel comfortable enough to share with anyoneelse. And most of all bringing this sense of happiness that I always found myself searching for.

“I’m sorry I said those things to you. I didn’t mean any of it,” I say with as much sincerity as I can.

He smiles timidly. “I appreciate that. But I’m the one who started this.”

“The more I thought about it,” I explain, “I realized that it just made me more aware of things that have bothered me for so long when you said those things back to me.”

“Regardless, it wasn’t my place to make a comment like that to you.” He gives a sigh full of regret. “I feel so shitty at thewayI said it.”

All I want to do is reassure him that I forgave him right after he first apologized. I knew he was sincere before, but my self-inflicted wounds ended up further hurting usboth. “It’s okay. We’re good now. And this time I mean it.” I give a nervous chuckle.

Luca’s eyes lock on mine. “It was never my intention to put you down,” he murmurs.

Hearing this makes me more emotional than I expect. Mostly since it’s exactly what I first thought he was doing, and why I was so hurt in the first place.

“I think deep down I knew you didn’t, but it hurt me because of how I felt about myself.” I offer a weak smile, still feeling vulnerable about the topic.

His face almost sinks after I say those last few words, and then he briefly pauses. “I think I know why I got so frustratedthat night.”

“Don’t worry. You don’t have to explain anything to me.” I want to show him the same respect he’s continued to show me. But we both know that my nosiness usually gets the best of me. “Although, I wouldn’t mind hearing it,” I add, trying to sound nonchalant.

He chuckles before explaining somewhat apprehensively, “My ex-girlfriend and I broke up toward the end of last year. We were together for two years. When we first met, she was trying to figure out her career, and I had just started working at the gallery.

“A few months before we broke up, she started this new job and almost went into her career with full force. I was happy seeing her find something that she was that passionate about. We ended up spending a lot less time together during those last few months though. Which was understandable since we were both very busy. But at some point I felt like I was putting a lot more effort than she was into seeing each other. And then I felt bad for feeling that way since I could tell how excited she was about her new job.”

I comment, “Feeling hurt when someone else isn’t putting the same effort as you is a perfectly valid feeling to have, Luca. Sadly, I think most people can actually relate to that.”

He nods. “I know. Despite everything I just said, the thought of breaking up didn’t occur to me because of how much I cared about her.” A disappointment fills his eyes. “And it wasn’t just that we weren’t seeing each other as often. Things just felt off all of a sudden. But like any fool would do, I tried to see if I could somehow revive what we had before.

“She had a break in her schedule that was coming up, and I rearranged my work hours so that we could go on a short trip to Seville since we didn’t go anywhere last summer. I planned pretty much the entire thing by myself, even down to the small details tomake sure it would be memorable for her, which was the first thing I felt stupid about when it ended.”

“Why?” I ask. “What happened?”

He explains, “The day before we were supposed to go, she said she had to work and that it was last minute even though all up until that point it seemed like it was going to happen.”

I try not to scoff. “I’d be so pissed if I did all that work and rearranged my schedule. Sorry. Just being honest here.”

He tilts his head and says, “Oh Iwaspissed. But I’m also the idiot who still didn’t want to break up even after all that.”

“You’re not an idiot. This sounds complicated,” I reassure.

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