Page 94 of All at Once

The tension in his hands relaxes a bit as he continues, “A week later she told me she wanted to focus on her career, and a relationship was too much of a distraction for her. The best part was when she added how she thought she was holding me back, which I knew was an excuse. I felt so blindsided.”

“She broke up with you?” I ask, trying not to sound as shocked as I feel.

“Yeah,” he confirms.

“Is this why you were so upset when we first bumped into each other?”

Luca chuckles. “Oh you’re bringing that into this now?”

“What?” I can’t say that I’m not a little proud of myself for finding a way to make him smile amidst a clearly weighty topic for him. “Listen, I know I was a moron, but I didn’t think spilling drinks on you was enough to upset you like that.”

“Something else did happen that day,” he admits. “Earlier that day that I first met you, I found out that she was dating someone else.”

“Are you kidding me?” I say. “Even though she didn’t want a relationship anymore?”

“To be fair, yeah she just said she didn’t want to be in a relationship. So I assumed the whole thing was still casual. Not that that made me feel any less shitty.” He raises his brows knowingly. “It turns out it wasn’t, though.”

“Oh shit. Now I see why you were pissed,” I say.

He shrugs. “Honestly though, I was over it at that point. If anything, I was hurt that I finally got my answer.”

“What do you mean?”

“That she didn’t mind being in a relationship just not with me.” His eyes turn melancholy, before he quickly blinks and looks back into mine again.

“I don’t think that’s true, Luca,” I reply. “It seems like you just grew apart.”

“Yeah, I know that now. But up until a few weeks ago I was struggling to understand that.”

“What helped you realize it?”

“You.”

“Me?” My heart flutters at his simple revelation.

He focuses on my eyes with a growing curiosity in his. “You were unrealistic, dramatic, and a littletooromantic for your own good.”

I roll my eyes. “Thank you for your kind words.”

He leans in ever so slightly, but enough to make my heart skip a beat. “You were everything that Iwas. But wasn’t anymore. And it really pissed me off.”

“Oh.” It’s no surprise that this is the only response I’m clearly able to articulate at the moment.

Luckily, Luca does the talking. “At first I was envious that someone was this hopeful about things that I’d grown to be jaded by. But the more I learned about you, I couldn’t spite you about any of it. Instead it just left me a little stunned.”

“Stunned? By me?” I’m the one that’s stunned hearing all of this.

He nods confidently. “Yeah. As in, how is it that this person is continuing to put all of her energy and livelihood into this one thing that she’s never experienced yet? She’s not giving up even if it means that at times she’s embarrassing the shit out of herself.” A glimpse of his smile appears during those last few words.

I close my eyes, not knowing if I want to keep laughing at myself, or if my heart’s about to burst. “I’d like to forget about that part please.”

To my surprise, he continues, “She’s also resilient without any proof or guarantee of getting what she wants one day. And that triggered me. I tried to act like I knew more than you when I didn’t know anything. After saying what I shouldn’t have said to you, I immediately felt stupid.”

Trying my best to keep it together, I say, “Trust me though. I know even less than you.”

“I don’t know,” Luca says with a tilt of his head. “You knew who you were. I, on the other hand, was questioning my entire personality after things ended. Since the guy she’s now with is completely different than me. I know this is the skeptic in me, but there were times when I wondered if she hated me by the end since she was so nice about it all ending.”

“Is that why you said people end up hating you for the same things that they loved you for at the beginning?” I ask.

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