Page 112 of All at Once

But it was all fake. I liked what I thought existed in those guys, aka my interpretation of their personality.

Luca is the first guy that I like who I didn’t construct a version up in my head. I got to know him and found that I happen to like his personality. Probably even more than anything I haveeverfantasized about in anyone else. And that’s what fucking terrifies me.

It’s the first timeI have something to lose.

So yes, I’m scared to tell Luca how I feel because if he doesn’t feel exactly the same it would absolutelycrush me.

On that same note, maybe I should give Enrique more of a chance.

And that’s exactly what I’m doing when I texted him if he wanted to have lunch together today, wondering if we just need some more time spent alone.

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Luckily, after a lot of water and plenty of food, my headache from earlier had already evaporated as well.

A part of me was still a little surprised when Enrique agreed to meet for lunch since we barely spoke at the party, and even moreso that the afternoon went well. Although not enough to forget about Luca.

Once Enrique walks me back to my suite, I take a second to look at him again, wondering why I almost stopped noticing him as much the past week or so.

The one thing that I cannot deny is that despite my feelings and physical attraction toward his friend, the physical attraction between me and Enrique is definitely still there.

And so I temporarily avoid where my heart actually is. At least there’s this other gorgeous guy that’s right in front of me who’s actually asked me out on a few dates, even if he also hasn’t really said what we are.

Feeling a little out of character, I ask, “Do you want to come inside?”

“Sure.” Enrique’s eyebrows raise a bit at my sudden forwardness.

When he shuts the door behind him, I say, “I never got to say thank you for everything you’ve done for me.” His brows furrow, unsure of what I’m referring to as I clarify one by one, “Inviting me here. Arranging this stunning room for me. For including me in so many of your plans. I’ve had the best time, and it wouldn’t have happened if it wasn’t for you.”

The way his lips curve wide enough to reveal his dimples reminds me why I instantly had a crush on him on that first day of college. “You’re welcome,” he replies, his smile slowly fading. “You look really happy. Different than when you got here, buthappieralmost.”

I try to ignore the defeated grin he’s now giving me. Instead I’m focusing on how good he smells and how handsome he is.

I’m about to start overthinking, but then it occurs to me that maybethat’sexactly my problem.

I’ve always analyzed every little thing. And it’s gotten me absolutely nowhere. Maybe for once, I shouldn’t really think aboutanything. Besides, maybe something more casual wouldn’t be such a bad thing? Not everything has to be serious. If that’s what he wants, maybe I might like that as well. Or at least I can try.

As my confidence grows and the overthinking pauses, I wrap my arms around Enrique’s neck and feel his body tense up.

It’s odd. He’s never looked tense when we’ve kissed before.

To reassure him, I kiss him with an intensity that I haven’t explored yet.

A few seconds in, his shoulders relax as he holds onto the back of my hair, his confidence now returning.

With every single push and pull, I try and satisfy the longing feeling I want. The one I’ve always wanted. But when I can’t find it in his lips, I wonder maybe it’s because we’reonlykissing.

IthinkI’m ready for more. Feeling a bit shocked at how I’m managing to lead us to the bed, and more so that he’s following, I pull Enrique in. When his hands travel to my waist, I remember a different set of hands that have ruined this sensation for me.

The one person that I’m trying so desperately to forget about comes rushing back into my head. “Wait. I can’t do this,” I blurt out.

Enrique freezes, then moves away, giving me some space.

“I’m so sorry,” I say as I get up, trying to readjust my skirt.

He sighs. “It’s fine.”

“I really wanted to,” I try, but fail to convince us both.

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