Page 119 of All at Once

“You’re so annoying,” I say.

“Am I though?”

“Yes. Very much.”

“So you like standingthisclose to people who piss you off?” Luca’s hands move lower down my back. “How do you feel about kissing them?” he continues, while tilting his head down.

I lean into his ear and whisper, “Keep trying, and you might find out.”

I’m so distracted by all of this that it occurs to me that I finally got the moonlit dance I always wanted.

_________

I always wondered why my actual personality never quite translated when I was around guys I had crushes on. My sense of humor never shining the way I wanted it to. My quirkiness never having the chance to surface. The intelligence I know I carried feeling like it was locked away during conversation.

Maybe, I realize, I’ve been so busy trying to impress these very same guys who most likely didn’t spend a fraction of the same amount of time thinking about me, knowing what I had to offer, but trying so desperately to showthemI was worthy of their attention. Of their time. The more I would try, the less it would show. All while favorite qualities about myself continued to stay hidden. On the back burner. Hoping one day, the right person would finally notice.

Now, I’ve met a guy who I find myself not having to think to be “interesting,” “charming,” “fun,” or any otherniceadjective. Noone other thanmyself, for once. And it’s a thrill I still can’t quite grasp.

It feels so surreal that even while Luca and I are walking back to our suites, I still can’t believe this entire evening just happened. Not sure if I’ll even believe it tomorrow morning orever, I confess to him, “This was the most beautiful first date I could have hoped for. Thank you.”

When he looks at me amusedly, almost as if I said something wrong, I clarify, “Itwasa date, right?” I’m not embarrassed to ask him. Not one bit. I’d rather know what we’re doing than continue to live in confusion.

He smirks before kissing my lips so softly that I ache for more when he pulls away. “Yes. It was.” His smile slowly fades when I start to frown. “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing,” I say. “I just remembered when I’m leaving.”

“I know.” He sighs. “I wish you didn’t have to leave this soon. But we still have the entire week left.”

I love his positivity, but it’s honestly not really helping. “Yeah, but a week? That’s like no time.”

“Then we’ll make it agreat fucking week,” he says confidently, bringing his hands to my cheeks to lock our eyes together.

I wish I felt as optimistic as he’s being, but at least I can try. “Okay. Let’s do it,” I say with a wide grin.

The effort he’s made so far makes me think that even if this fizzles out, or if it’ll be a huge mistake, I want to take that risk with him. I owe it to myself. Tobothof us.

As I continue smiling at him starry-eyed, Luca leans in only to barely touch my lips, before pressing his mouth onto mine. His lips are parted so subtly that it’s hardly an invitation. But he’s not trying to kiss me. He’s trying to make me crumble until he can step in and show me exactly whyonlyhe can kiss me like this.

His placement becomes more intentional as his top lip softly pushes in between both my lips, in movements that are so connected that they almost feel like they’re an extension of each other. The heat moving down my body heightens the second he pulls my bottom lip between his.

But the way he lets itgois what tips me over the edge. So slowly. So effortlessly. I find myself standing with creased brows, and in a frustration that only he can extinguish. And does he know it himself, when the first image I see as I slowly open my shut eyes is one of complete self-satisfaction.Smug asshole.

“I guess you’re a good kisser…” I scoff.

And it’s only making me fume even more at why this couldn’t have happened earlier.

Once I’ve regained somewhat of my composure, I think out loud, “Why couldn’t we have met in college?”

Luca almost groans, “I know. I’ve been kicking myself a lot recently at why I didn’t bug Enrique more about introducing us.”

“Yeah, but you didn’t know anything about me then. I’m just talking about us bumping into each other on our own. Especially now that I know you were there all four years. It’s honestly insane to me every time I think about it.” Which I’ve been doing a lot of since he told me. Then I remember how he mentioned that he lost his virginity when he was 19. “Technically we could have even been each other’s first times.”

As soon as I say this I realize how invasive it sounds, and while it’s okay for me to think this, I shouldn’t have shared it with him, since it completely discredits the feelings he shared with the girl he lost it to.

“Wait. Please forget I just said that to you. That was so insensitive,” I quickly apologize. “I wasn’t trying to make youfeel bad about your first time. This is one of the many moments where I need to not just say whatever I’m thinking. I’m sorry.”

Luca brushes my shoulders comfortingly and focuses on my eyes. “Will you relax. I didn’t even think that. I think you need to also stop apologizing for every little thing that you think is offensive.” I relax against his touch. “I know it’s annoying, but maybe it was for the best. I know I was a mess at 18 and even more at 22 right after my dad died.”

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