Page 143 of All at Once

I realize that I’m going to be just as lost until I start doingsomething, so I wing it at the beginning. Besides he’s made it clear that he’s not going to judge me for it, and I believe him.

As soon as my fingers touch him, I think I gasp louder than he does.

It might be a funny thing to think of right now, but I don’t know why I’m so surprised at how pleasant he feels. Smooth and warm. A contrast to how hard he is.

To start off, I repeat the same circular motion he did on me now on his tip. When I hear him groan, I increase my speed a little while using my other hand to stroke his length. Teasingly at first, followed with a firmer hold.

As soon as he lets out a moan that’s noticeably deeper than mine, my first instinct is to ask, “Is this okay?”

“I can’t remember the last time I was this hard,” Luca says with a raspier tone. His chest keeps shifting up and down while my hands continue moving along him. Watching the muscles down his torso flex ever so slightly with each touch I give him sends a new wave of throbbing down my body that I almost miss it when he adds, “I hope that answered your question.”

His neck looks so inviting that I lean in and kiss his skin up toward the side of his ear. As I slowly increase the speed of my strokes, he calls out, “Jasmine—”

My lips curve into a confident smile as I feel his tension build against my hand. His body slightly twitches, on the brink of pleasure, thesoundshe’s making continuing to spur me on.

To have someone make you feel all warm and gooey inside is one thing. But to experience giving those very same feelings to another, I have now just learned, is a whole other aphrodisiac. And I might be a little in over my head at the moment, with an adrenaline I have never felt before. Especially when this someonehappens to mean this much to me. An intimate moment that seamlessly just faded past fears.

I gasp as he abruptly shrieks, “Fuck.”

A second later, his stomach is splattered with his release. He opens his eyes slowly, and I can tell he’s about to say something. But before he can, I lean down, my hands in the sheets on either side of him.

As my mouth touches his skin, I feel his stomach clench, my legs now shaking. Then I hold his gaze, while brushing my tongue up his torso until there’s no more trace of him lingering there.

I don’t know what just came over me.

Luca looks at me, eyes wide. “If you hadn’t told me, I would have never known this was the first time you did that,” he confesses through shaky breath.

I smirk, immediately feeling my core start to throb again. “You’re really messing with my ego, you know that?” I say as I lay next to him while he faces me.

It feels a bit unusual to lie on his bed both naked while sharing a conversation. But it only feels odd because it feelsso normal. So comforting to feel this relaxed next to someone else. The way I never thought I could.

The way Luca’s face is relaxed with satisfaction reminds me how he just helped me do something for myself that used to scare the absoluteshitout of me before.

“I can’t believe this just happened,” I admit out loud. He caresses the side of my eye down to the curve of my cheek, and after all this contact, it sends the most innocent flutter across my chest. “It means everything to me.”

I wonder if he even realizes how this was years and years of emotional dancing messing with my mind, thinking that I was alwaysbehindonsomething.

Suddenly the past decade replays in my mind. The uneventful teenage years and twenties that have flown by, further reminding me how my youth slipped away one day, without me even knowing it, and without any experience to show for it. But now lying next to him, I don’t feel behind.Onanyof it.

Luca softly strokes my waves while twirling the ends. “I’m happy you feel comfortable to share yourself with me like this. That means a lot to me.”

Butterflies dance in my lower belly at his words. Feeling emotional, but more so in a cathartic way for holding onto this weight for so long, I reveal, “This has just taken a big toll on my mental health for years. And I just feel—” I sigh. “So. Fucking. Relieved.”

“I’m really happy for you, Jasmine,” Luca says so genuinely that it almost makes my chest ache. “I can see how much this means to you, so I can’t imagine how you actually feel about it.”

I move forward to kiss him, but he leans in to initiate it first, making my heart flutterall over again.

As the physical intensity between us lessens, the emotional proximity heightens, surprising me when I thought this part wouldn’t feel as heavy on me. Since now I’m reminded there’s someone that means this much to me that I still could potentially lose.

Luca’s touch distracts me as he caresses my side. “So do I make a good teacher?” He smolders obnoxiously.

I’m about to laugh, but then I’m reminded of my remaining doubts. “I’m going to be really honest with you here, but how are you going to fit inside me?” His lips start to curve. “Why are you smiling?”

“I’m not smiling.” He’s definitelytryingnotto smile.

“Yes you are.” I try to cover my smile, but now Ialsocan’t. “I’m maybe just a little freaked out about it. Especially since I barely even managed to putonefinger inside myself just now.”

“We’ll work our way up to that,” Luca says encouragingly with a kiss to the side of my hair. If I’m trying not to come across as anxious then I’m doing a pretty awful job at it. “You know, we could just stop here? Even though you’re leaving soon, it doesn’t mean that we have to do more than this.”

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