Page 79 of All at Once

“No I’m happy,” I try to convince. “Real Madrid won yesterday.”

“Okay, but you also don’t sound too happy about something else,” she points out. “Did something happen with Luca?”

“Why would you just assume it’s about Luca?” I hear silence through the other end of my phone, and sigh at how predictable I keep sounding. “Fine. It’s about him.”

“What happened?”

“The subject of breakups came up, and I told him how I wish I’d experienced heartbreak rather than no love at all. Heinterrupted me and then basically told me I’ve never experienced any of it and shouldn’t have an opinion.”

“Wait. He said that?” Georgia asks, surprised.

“Yeah, I’m still shocked. Especially by the way he cut me off like that. But I don’t think that’s the worst part. It was the exact way he worded it, and more sohowhe said it. How helookedat me when he said it…” I trail off. “He did apologize though.”

“Okay, not to give him the benefit of the doubt, but I feel like there’s a lot more that I’d need to know about the conversation to see why he’d say that to you and in the way that you’re saying. Obviously interrupting you wasn’t cool though.”

“It sounded like a dig. Like he was looking down on me almost.”

“I don’t know, you’ve spoken pretty highly of him so far besides your side comments calling him annoying that also led to you continuing to compliment him.”

“He made me feel every insecurity that I have about pretty much most of my life. Even if that’s not what he was trying to do.” Just talking about this out loud is hurting me all over again.

Georgia’s voice softens. “I understand.”

“I know he’s not wrong. I’ve pretty much said similar things about myself to him so far. But when someone else says something to you that you know is true it feels different. It hurts coming from the other person.” I almost choke on my next words. “Especially when you realize you’re starting tolikethem.”

She pauses, knowing right now is not the best time to delve into my sudden confession. “Maybe you triggered something in him the way that he triggered something in you. Not that that makes it okay. I’m just wondering.”

“I thought the same,” I admit. “But whatever it is he’s not telling me.”

“You can’t expect him to though,” she reasons.

“Yeah,” I say, “but he knows so much about me now.”

“That doesn’t mean he owes you the same.”

I know she’s right. I just wish things were different. “I know, I’m still hurt by it though,” I reply. “Even if some of it is irrational.”

“I don’t think you getting this upset is irrational, but maybe projecting that onto him isn’t really fair.” After a moment of silence, she asks, “Did he sound sincere? With his apology.”

“Yeah,” I mutter, feeling guilty for how genuine Luca did sound, and how I dismissed it so hastily.

“Well if he tries to again, I’d hear him out,” she recommends.

“Thanks, Georgia,” I say, now wishing I had just spoken with her first.

“No problem. Maybe spend the day alone. Give yourself some space away from both of them.”

Feeling proud of myself for coming to this conclusion before she brought it up, I reply, “I was actually already planning on it.”

_________

I’m not used to doing things alone.Especially not exploring the streets of a city thousands of miles away from home. Yet with every shop that I go to and each pastry that I try, I feel more and more at ease.

When I hear the soothing melody of the Spanish guitar again on the corner by the fountain I’m relaxing by, I almost forget that I still don’t have a dress for the party we’re going to tonight. Turns out that I’m invited to the same one that Enrique and Luca’s friend throws every summer.

I wasn’t aware how fancy it was going to be until Sofia texted me what she’s wearing. After visiting at least five differentboutiques, I finally managed to find something to my liking, a silver dress covered in sequins.

As I’m about to head back to the resort, I stumble upon a charming gift shop that’s filled with stationaries, cookbooks, and unique souvenirs. It feels like I’ve been here before though, and that probably has something to do with the fact that it reminds me of those book fairs I was thoroughly obsessed with growing up.

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