Page 85 of All at Once

Luca shifts his posture toward me subtly, now tilting his face as if he’s finally found the missing piece of the most complex puzzle. “You’re so—”

I interrupt, “Weird?”

“Interesting,” he corrects.

Ifthis was a date, this is when he’d kiss me.

But it’s not. And so I look away before the melancholy grows any stronger.

It’s a good thing their friends also just pulled up in front of us.

Still bemused by the brief shared moment with Luca, Enrique’s growing laughter as we walk to the waterfall sounds a lot more obnoxious than it would have a week ago. Now I don’t know what I find more annoying. Luca showing me exactly what I want but can’t have, or Enrique showing me what I don’t want and barely even have.

Nothing seems to really matter though when you’re walking in heels that are killing your feet through the dark, while feeling insects and rough plants randomly poke at your body.

Luca’s brows scrunch as he looks down at my arms that are now cautiously folded across my stomach. “Are you okay?”

I flinch, and almost get whiplash when an object tickles my shoulder. “No, I’m not. I hate bugs.” Now there’s something on my toes. “Ew.” I stomp my feet and pick up my pace, hoping this magically gets us to the water quicker. “Why did I agree to this?”

“Want me to carry you?” he asks with an amused grin.

I glance at him, my panic growing. “Would you actually?” I don’t care if he’s being sarcastic. This is an emergency.

He laughs. “I was joking, but I mean, if you want?” he says, a shyness appearing in his eyes.

I seriously consider this. But picturing my legs wrapped around him, my arms looped around his neck, feeling his hands hold me steady…I figure it’s better to never feel these things. To never even get atasteof it.

Not a second later, I feel a tickle by my ankle and wiggle my legs so quickly that my shoe might fall off any moment. “Fuck!”

Luca quickly picks me up, so smoothly as if I have the weight of a feather.

I try not to gasp when my hands, by reflex, wrap around his neck. I was right. All those things should have juststayedin my imagination. My chest is close enough to feel his heartbeat, mine now racing when I feel his arms, one hooked under my knees, the other firmly scooped around my back. But when we get to the waterfall a few moments later, a part of me wishes it wasmilesaway.

Luca sets me down, and I almost murmur, “Thanks.”

“Anytime,” he says, the glint in his eyes sending a chill right down my spine.

I find myself needing air, even though we’re outside and have plenty of it. So I try to focus on the water that’s shimmering fromthe moon’s reflection. That’ll distract me. But then I stop.My heart stops.

It’s not because of the water. It’s the fact that several people have already stripped down completely.

If anyone’s speaking right now, I can’t hear it. All I feel is the ringing that’s started in my ears. I turn to Luca, whose eyes now look expressionless. “What are they doing??” I ask, not-so-slowly turning into a ball of panic.

He blinks, seemingly in disbelief, when I notice him swallow. “I didn’t know they were going to skinny dip,” he tells me quietly.

“What do you mean ‘you didn’t know?’Howdidn’t you know? These areyourfriends,” I say, suddenly feeling like an idiot who let him carry me into this mess.

“They’ve never gone before…” He meets my gaze apprehensively. “It didn’t even cross my mind that they would now.”

To add onto everything else, now I feel embarrassed at how my naivety is showing, just from the fact that I didn’t consider that this could be a possibility.

“It’s fine,” Luca adds, while nerves continue to pour into his eyes. “We can just leave.”

We?

Of all times he has to include himself in the picture with me, when we both know damn well that I’m the only one out of us two that holds this weakness. Hearing him say this makes me feel like he’s taking away the weight that this has had on me.

I hate to admit it, but the thought enters my mind. That he left out something this important to me, knowing that it would prove his previous point further. His words repeating in my mind from the other night, and how I haven’t experiencedany of it. Abreakup. Falling in love. Being naked around someone else. And this tips me over the edge to ask the irrational.

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