Page 115 of Only and Forever

And then I run.

THIRTY-ONE

Viggo

Playlist: “Blinding Lights—Acoustic,” Matt Johnson, Jae Hall

It’s not a short hike to the lupine field. You have to take the trail leading to Axel and Rooney’s cabin, then stay on the trail about another half mile. I know the way by heart. I love the lupine field, played in it with my siblings when we were kids, crouching among the two-foot-tall flowers that mingled in the taller grass, leaping out and startling the hell out of each other. It developed my love of a good jump scare, taught Oliver to pop up silently out of nowhere and surprise the living daylights out of people. It’s the first place Ziggy tickled me so hard after I caught her off guard, I laughed until I peed myself. It’s filled with memories of playing, teasing, tipping into adolescence and growing up.

It’s my favorite, most nostalgic spot on the property.

And when I turn the corner around the last big tree, breaking into the field, it’s cemented as my most favorite place ever.

Because she’s here. Tallulah.

Bent over the flowers, wearing a sunshine-yellow shirt, one of her stylish long cardigans tied around her waist as she picks a cluster of blue lupines.

“Excuse me, ma’am!” I call. “This is private property. You can’t just help yourself to the flowers.”

Tallulah jerks upright, her head whipping my way. Wide ambereyes, flushed cheeks. Her surprise dims, slipping to a wide, soft smile. “That wasn’t nice,” she calls.

I smile back at her, starting across the field, every step steady and sure. Sunlight kisses her skin and sparkles in her eyes. The wind caresses her blue hair, whipping it back. I stare at her, my body thrumming with purpose, with peace.

My heart thuds in my chest as warmth spills through my limbs, its truth as vital to my existence as the blood swimming in my veins:

I love her.

I know my heart. With every step I take closer to her deepening smile, her glittering eyes, I feel sure of it: Tallulah knows my heart, too. And I know hers just as much.

The wind dances past me, swaying the grass.

I love you.

My smile deepens as I grow closer, holding her eyes.

I love you.

Tallulah’s smile falters at my next step. Her free hand clutches her cardigan as the wind whips it back.

Suddenly, she drops the flowers, then runs toward me, barreling into my chest. “I’m sorry,” she whispers.

I wrap my arms around her, breathing her in. “There’s nothing to be sorry for.”

“Yes, there is,” she whispers, blinking up at me tearily. “I was so happy to see you at first, but then I realized that meant you were awake, that you woke up to an empty bed, and after last night, that might have thrown you, which is the last thing I wanted to do, it’s just that Charlie started spiraling and—”

I set a finger to her mouth, smiling down at her. “I know you’d never want to upset me. Iwasupset, but that was my thing, not yours. I panicked. Because of what last night meant to me, and I was so afraid it didn’t mean the same thing to you. Because I’ve been staying quiet, waiting, but I don’t want to wait anymore. Iwant to tell you and trust you to stick with me, even if you’re not where I’m at yet, Tallulah. Because—”

She kisses me, hard and long, silencing me, drugging me with her tongue stroking mine, her hands diving into my hair. I wrap my arms around her waist, savoring the taste of her, the rich, soft scent that never leaves her, soothing me.

Tallulah pulls back, dropping back on her heels, and clasps my face in her hands. Her eyes hold mine, and sunlight dances in her gaze as she blinks away tears. “Me first.”

I stare at her, heart pounding. “You first?”

She smiles, soft and slow. “Since I saw you last year, about to fall on your ass off that chair, you have gone first, given your smiles, your kindness, your home, your friendship... your heart.” One hand leaves my face, drifts down over my shoulder, before it settles on my chest. “So I want to be the one who goes first now, who tells you what I’ve been so terrified to believe, let alone say, but it’s no less true.” She swallows thickly, blinking away tears. “Iloveyou, Viggo. And I know I’m no love expert, not the way you are, but I know my heart, and this is true: I love you.

“I could have danced around that word for as long as I lived, but it would never have changed what you mean to me. It could never change that my world is meant to have you right at the heart of it, that my life is wider and brighter and sweeter for sharing it with you. I want to dream dreams and work hard and hold hands and face whatever comes with you.

“I don’t need the word ‘love,’ but I have it and I’m going to use it. Loud and often.” She draws in a deep breath, holding my eyes. “I love you, Viggo Bergman. I mean it with my whole heart.”

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