Page 82 of Unromance

“Because in my experience, it doesn’t! Can you honestly say your track record is any better than mine? This whole mission, the list, was about both of us getting our careers back on track, and we’ve done that. Mixing them—” Her hands were somehow shakingand going numb at the same time. “I’m so grateful that our nonsense mission worked, but the last time I said yes to everything, I lost everything. You’re asking me to juggle too much, I—” She sucked in a deep breath, unsure of the last time she’d breathed.

Mason, on the other hand, was completely calm. Of course he was. He’d had weeks to think this through. “You wouldn’t have to juggle it all on your own, babe. I would be with you, every step of the way. Let me help. It’s a lot—I know it’s a lot—but we can work this out.”

He made it sound so simple, so easy. If she hadn’t already done this before, she’d probably believe him. But she’d been here before, everything she’d ever wanted at her fingertips, only to end up more alone than she’d ever been—and that was when she’d kept it all separate. Involving Mason directly was inviting disaster, another two-year slump where she could feel the color leaching out of her soul with every day spent unable to do the one that thing that she’d ever feltgoodat. She was just starting to feel like herself again. She was so proud of how far she’d come. She thought she’d found something in Mason, in how understanding he was of her schedule and deadlines, that he wasn’t like Sadie, and yet… here she was again.

Misreading her silence, Mason continued in a soft voice, like he was talking to a wounded animal. “We don’t have to figure this out right now.”

“What’s to figure out?” she laughed. “Mason, this is nonsensical. You want me to move in—move across the country—and tie my career to some guy I’ve known two months, been seeing for a few weeks? You don’t need toHigh Fidelityyourself, because I can tell you right now why your relationships don’t last. It’s too fucking much, Mason. It’s been weeks and you’re already asking me to give you my whole fucking life.”

Mason winced, but pressed on calmly, undeterred. “I know it’s a lot, that this wasn’t the plan. I didn’t plan on falling in love with you, but I did. And other than right now, I’ve been happier with you than anyone.”

The edges of her vision blurred, her attention wholly on Mason and his mouth that was still moving, making words that she couldn’t comprehend. “You don’t,” she forced out.

“What?” he asked, turning back to her from where he’d been pacing while he monologued.

“You don’t love me,” she said numbly.

He laughed, but there was no humor in it. “I don’t think you get to decide that.”

She shook her head. “You’re… confused. And it’s my fault, I guess. We were doing all these romantic things for the list and you fell for it, like you said you always do.”

“Bullshit.”

Sawyer laughed, half-hysterical. “Is now really the time for aHow to Lose a Guyreference?”

“No, I’m calling bullshit. I didn’t fall for you because of the list. I fell for you in the moments in between. I fell for you at the tree farm when you made sure that little girl got the tree you had picked out—”

“Tree farm was on the list—”

“I fell for you again when you were prancing around at Celia’s—”

“Shopping montage—”

“The night we had pho at your apartment and we stayed up talking for hours—”

Before she could poke a hole in that, he continued.

“New Year’s Eve, at Fred’s—”

“Midnight kiss was on the list—”

“Christmas,” he practically growled. “My car, parking lot. That wasn’t on the list, and it sure as shit didn’t mean fucking nothing.”

“Just sex.” The silence that followed her blatant lie was deafening, both of them staring at each other, breathing heavily, and she almost wished he would call bullshit again, in their own fucked-up version of the game. “I’ll take the blame, okay?” she continued shakily. “I broke the rules, of course things got confusing.”

Mason raised his hand and poked the air like he was punctuating an unspoken expletive before retracting his finger and making a fist, pressing his knuckles to his mouth. “I cannot believe you’re doing this… and maybe that makes me the most hopeless romantic in the world, because I should have known you’d do exactly this. Well, congratulations, Sawyer Greene, you’ve finally upheld your end of the deal and ruined romance for me. Happy?”

Not particularly.

“You’ll be fine, Mason. Once this is all in the rearview, you’ll realize you just got swept up again. It wasn’t me you wanted. I was just there.”

A muscle in Mason’s jaw jumped, he was clenching it so hard. “This cannot actually be your impression of me.”

“Prove me wrong,” she said, flinging her arms wide. She didn’t even know what thatmeant, but it was the most cutting thing she could think to say right now. She wanted to run, to puke into the umbrella stand, to scream. She wanted out of this conversation, by any means necessary.

“How?” he asked softly, his voice catching.

She took a shaky breath, barely able to get any air in around the lump in her throat. “Let me go. Respect that I don’t want this. I never did. I tried, okay? But this—” She gestured between them. “This has always had an end date, so let’s stop prolonging the inevitable. You’removing to LA. My life is here. The list is done. The tabloids have moved on. My writer’s block is gone. I need to focus on finishing my book, and you need to focus on Guiding Light. So, let’s just call it. We both got what we needed.”