This was not the first time I had seen Baxley’s eyes this way, but usually, I immediately crumbled into apologizing. I would do everything I could so he would absolve me.
But this time was different. This time, I knew in my heart that I hadn’t done anything wrong.
Baxley himself had insisted that playing at intimacy was necessary as a muse. He had defended his brief closing kiss with Valeria.
But more than that, I loved Baxley with my whole heart, and I hadn’t considered any other person since we’d been together. While there were feelings of comradery toward my fellow muses, there was no attraction or romantic flirtation.
“I only have eyes for –” I began.
He growled and punched the wall next to my head, and the words died on my lips instantly. The skin split across his knuckles, and bright red blood was spilling down his hand.
"Why do you keep lying?!" he demanded, and in his anger, he hardly even sounded like himself. He hardly sounded human.
"Baxley, please," I said in a trembling voice, futilely trying to soothe him. "Pleaselisten to me. I’m not lying –”
"I don't want to hear another word from your lying lips!" Baxley snarled, and suddenly, his hands were around my throat.
Both his hands were clenched tightly, and he was so much stronger. I clawed at his wrists, and my eyes and lips felt like they were bulging out of my face. My lungs burned, my heart hammered, but mostly, what I felt was panic and disbelief.
How could this be happening? How, by the hands of someone that I love so much?
People were so close. I could hear my mother’s laughter carrying over the distant music. The same man who had sworn that he loved me as he peppered me with kisses when we made love was squeezing the life out of me, and I was powerless to stop him.
The only thing I could see were his beautiful eyes full of hatred as my vision went hazy and blotchy.
And then, all at once, Baxley let go and stepped back from me.
I collapsed to the ground, coughing and gasping for air.
“You are a worthless harlot, and you are dead to me.” He sneered and spit at the ground where my fingers were dug into the grass.
He stalked off then. I tried crawling after him and calling for him, but I was too weak.
“Baxley, come back,” I begged in a hoarse voice, but he didn’t stop. I didn’t know if he could hear me or if he just didn’t care, but he kept going and never looked back.
When my strength finally returned, I got to my feet and slunk to my room in the guest house. I took off my dress since it was filthy from dirt, tears, and drops of Baxley's blood, and I climbed under the covers.
Later in the night, I heard Baxley in the room next to mine with Valeria, making the sounds of lovemaking that sounded all too familiar. I cried so hard that I threw up.
In the morning, I wore a scarf around my neck and long sleeves to hide the marks, and I had not spoken to Baxley Cole since.
Chapter 35
Soren's voice, soft and concerned, pulled me from my thoughts. "Izzy?"
I opened my eyes and shook my head, trying to clear it of any thought of Baxley.
“Sorry. Just nerves.” I forced a smile up at Soren, and his brows crunched in confusion.
“Why are you apologizing? You’ve done nothing wrong.”
I shook my head. “I don’t know. I’m on edge and not as present as I should be, so I assumed I was making mistakes.”
“Well, you’re not.” He put a hand on my arm, warm and reassuring. “And if you’re on edge and need grounding, then we can do some things to calm you.”
I took a deep breath. “Okay. What can we do?”
“Let’s run through the performance, no levitation or lights. Just moving your body in the space, centering yourself in the moment.”