Page 58 of Muse

When we arrived, I went straight back to the guest flat to change out of my dress so I wouldn’t damage it. It ended up being quite the struggle because of the tiny little hooks down the side. Usually, I had Adora or Heloise or other muses to help. But I couldn’t ask Soren, not after what happened today, so I managed on my own.

I washed all the heavy performance makeup off my face and dressed again in my casual clothing. A cold chill blew through the drafts in the flat, so I wrapped a flannel cloak around my shoulders. The evening had come in quickly with dark storm clouds, and I could see Soren’s silhouette in the warm glow of the kitchen.

The day's events had left my stomach churning, so I wasn't hungry. But if Soren was making supper, I ought to go down and eat it. And we would have to talk since Samonend was tomorrow.

Soren was sitting in his spot at the dinner table, sipping a full goblet of wine. A place was set for the both of us, the plates still empty with the roasted quail on a platter in the center.

“Good evening,” I said stiffly as I took my seat at the table across from him.

He cleared his throat and rested his arms on the table, avoiding my gaze as he spoke. “I need to start off by apologizing once again.”

“Soren, you have no reason to apologize,” I said quickly. “It’s my fault for being out of sorts. I saw Baxley and got into my head, and I needed you to ground me.”

His eyes quirked up at Baxley’s name, but he let me finish before saying, “Izzy. Stop. If the Princesses hadn’t interrupted us, we both know where things were heading.”

His gaze flicked to my lips, and my skin flushed with heat, and he quickly looked away again.

"Things had already gone too far," he said finally. "I'm your enchanter, and it is inappropriate for me to have romanticyearnings, let alone act on them. I know better, and you deserve better."

"I don't know how I can deserve better than my own desires," I argued, and I hated how my voice cracked when I tried to declare my feelings. "Nothing has happened between us that I haven't wanted or enjoyed."

The look that flashed across his face then was pure, unadulterated pain, as if I had struck him with all my might.

"It is too easy for emotions to get the best of us when working so closely," he insisted. "Things can get messy. People can get hurt.” He exhaled roughly. “I don’t want that for you or for us. So we need to remember that it’s only magik, and we can keep things professional.”

I wanted to cry or argue but didn't see the point. Soren's mind was made up, and he might even be right.

It still hurt, though, in a visceral way knowing that he believed what had transpired between us was wrong and a mistake and something that I needed to be protected from.

But I swallowed it down and nodded.

“You understand, don’t you, Izzy? Why it has to be this way?” he asked me, almost entreating me to understand.

“I do.”

He relaxed slightly back into his chair, his shoulders sagging. Then he tilted his head. “What was that you were saying about Baxley? Did you mean Baxley Cole?”

“Yes, that’s him,” I replied tightly.

In the two years since we had broken up, Baxley’s star had only risen, so it made sense that Soren was aware of him. His older brother, Raiment Cole, had married Princess Sylvetta, moving the family even closer to the crown.

“What happened with him?” Soren asked.

“We dated for a while… and things ended badly.”

“Badly how?” he pressed.

“Why are you even asking? Does it even matter?” I shot back at him with tears in my eyes, unable to hold them back any longer.

“Whatever happened between you two, it clearly matters to you. I want to know because you were shaking after you saw him, and I want to help you,” Soren replied simply.

I softened some because I didn't want Baxley to get to me tomorrow during the conduction—or ever again, honestly.

But I couldn’t look at Soren, and the explanation came out flat and almost monotone, but that was the only way I could get through it: “He accused me of cheating. I hadn’t, so I denied it. He didn’t believe me, so he put his hands around my throat. And then he said that I was dead to him, and that was that.”

“Are you okay?” Soren asked when I finished.

“It was a long time ago.”

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