Page 54 of The Penalty

“Just how it is. But Wayne made sure I could play hockey. That was the only thing that saved me. He arranged a free pass to the club, equipment, and a team until I graduated from high school. And that’s what I did. I spent all my time at the rink. Sometimes even slept there while I bounced around between families.”

I’ve got an overwhelming urge to wrap my arms around him and never let go. But I can tell he’s not quite finished, and if I move too fast, he might not be able to get the rest out.

“There was so much uncertainty moving from one family to the next. Sometimes the foster families had their own kids, or there were other fosters around. Sometimes I had to share a room. And some of the other kids were in even worse shape than I was. They’d learned to steal to survive, and they couldn’t stop the urge. The only things I still had from my own childhood home were that backpack, a few photos, and a stuffed bear. I kept it with me at all times, and whenever I could grab extra food, I did. Whether it was from the nutrition bin in a school classroom or at the arena if a parent brought extra snacks. Any time I got my hands on any money, I bought myself food to keep on hand. I don’t know if I’ll ever shake that empty hollow feeling of hunger. So, I still do it. Keep snacks with me, extra socks and underwear, a toothbrush and toothpaste.”

My stomach is churning now at his story. No wonder he freaked out when I touched his bag at the hotel. I chalked it up to some compulsive tendencies like my brother has, but it wasn’t that. It was genuine fear.

“I’m sorry.”

“No. It’s not you. It’s all me and my fucked-up childhood. That’s why I’m no good for you, Cece. I’m broken. Can’t even go anywhere without a stupid backpack.”

I wince at the sound of his hand banging on the steering wheel. “That’s not true. I’ve never suffered a day of hunger or physical need in my life, so I can’t even fathom how terrible it was for you. But my parents were hardly emotionally available. I know what it means to cling to people and things for comfort. Probably the reason I collect animals. You’re not broken. You’re just in progress. Like all of us.”

His shoulders slump and he leans toward me, seeking comfort. “I’m so sorry. I’ve fucked this all up. Your pets are sick, and you’re worried about them, and I had to go make it all about me.”

I pull him in even closer. It’s a little strange comforting the massive guy, but we’re all human. We’re all vulnerable, and the way he opened up to me meant something. He trusts me with secrets he keeps tight to his chest. Secrets his best friend probably doesn’t even know.

“It’s fine. You were here for me. And now I’m here for you. That’s the way it works.”

He relaxes into me for a moment before pulling away, clearing his throat. “We should go back in. Check on your pigs.”

Sensing he needs the distance from the conversation, I nod, leaning in to plant a kiss on his cheek and then I open the door, bracing myself against the wind.

He walks around the car, grabbing my hand in his, squeezing it tight as we make our way back in to check on my pets.

Chapter 18

Secrets And Tats

Dev

I’m still operating onnot enough sleep as we’re dressing for our game. After that long night with Cece at the vet’s office, she was able to bring them home, but they’ve demanded a lot of attention all week. Antibiotics, a vaporizer. The lengths she’s willing to go to look after the weird little creatures hits me hard. So, I’ve been over there a lot, helping her. The one good thing about the situation is my fear of rodents is ebbing away. Something about seeing them helpless, relying on her to look after them, eased it. Gave me a clean start. I still might not be too keen on spotting that mouse darting around, but I think I could handle it better.

Even thinking about her brings a small smile to my face. Never a good idea when you’re in the middle of a room full of guys who are used to your glower.

“Is Lucy smiling? Lucy, are you okay?” JJ asks. “I think he might be possessed or something. Anyone know an exorcist. I think the devil really did let something in. We need to help him.”

“Shut your mouth, JJ.” I’m almost snarling, but as usual, my threat does nothing to deter him.

Beau steps between us as I’m rising out of my seat, fists balled up. “When did you get that new ink?” I twist around, hand flying up to my newest tattoo. It’s on the left side of my chest, wrapping around under my arm, so it’s tucked away near my heart but not too visible. Only about four inches tall, it blends into the mass of tats already imprinted on my skin. It escaped his notice for a couple of months, but of course Beau noticed it.

“End of the summer.” I yank my shirt down over it as he’s moving in to get a closer look.

While I appreciate Beau’s intervention, now I’m even more on edge since he’s noticed the tat I’ve been keeping on the down low. Somehow even his sister hasn’t noticed it yet. Might be because I’m usually the one in charge when we’ve got significantly fewer clothes on, but still I thought she’d see it. And if she does, I’m not sure what I’ll say.

“You trying to hide something? Let me see. The style looks different from your usual. Did you go to a new artist?”

“No.”

I’m rolling up my socks and throwing every fuck off vibe I can muster his way.

“It’s like that, is it? Okay. Have it your way. No questions.”

The problem here is that he knows all my tattoos have some kind of meaning. And if he happens to recognize the art style, we’re all going down.

“Boys. Stop fucking around. I need your asses out on the ice!”

Coach walks in, he’s got his give-them-hell face on. Usually reserved for playoff games. Must be something going on.

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