Page 91 of The Penalty

I thought the ache in my heart was bad before, but this takes it to the next level. I reach up to rub at my chest, hoping to ease the pain, but it’s no good. It’s still there. I don’t know if it will ever go away.

“She’s leaving? She can’t leave.”

“Why? Will you miss your fuck buddy?”

His eyes are narrowed, fists clenching and unclenching at his side, and my arm flies up to block my already tender nose, but he doesn’t advance on me.

Maybe I don’t have a right to the anger, but it still steams me up hearing him refer to her with the crude term. “She’s not a fuck buddy. Why would you even say that about your sister?”

“You’ve been hiding this from me for how long? Days, weeks? You don’t get to be angry with me.”

“Yes, I do. Cece is special. You can’t talk about her like that.” Now I’m stepping forward, ready to challenge him.

“Special in what way?” He tilts his head, studying me.

“She’s special. One of a kind. One of the best people I’ve ever met. She’s so kind and generous. She’s always smiling, even when she grew up with that. Now that I’ve seen it, I’m sorry for her and for you. But I don’t want her to feel that way ever again. I want her to know she’s loved and cared for. Appreciated for every unique thing about her.” It’s a relief to get the feelings out. She should be the one I’m telling, but it’s still helpful to say them. To let her brother know how much she means to me.

His tight fists are easing up, knuckles returning to their regular color. “If she’s so special, why were you sneaking around with her like you were ashamed of her? If you value her like that, you should have been shouting it to the world.”

“Because. Because I love you too, man. You’re the best friend I’ve ever had. The closest thing to a real family. And I didn’t want to ruin that. You threatened us all to back off. Stay away from your sister. I couldn’t tell you.” I was weak. I should have stood up for her. He’s right.

“You love me too? Does that mean...”

He’s staring me down while I puzzle out the question. I love him, yes, but also... “I love her. I love Cece, and I don’t want to lose her. But I don’t want to lose you either. And I’m sorry, but if I had to choose. I’d choose her. If I have to follow her to her new school or wait for her to graduate, I will. Even if you hate me. I don’t think I can stay away from her.”

I shut my eyes, bracing for the blow. It doesn’t happen.

After an agonizing wait, he steps in, slapping me on the back.

“That’s all I needed to hear. And you were probably right not to tell me. At least in the beginning. If I found out you were fucking around with my sister, I would have gotten you kicked off the team, or maybe myself. But if you love her. That’s different.”

“But I’ll only drag her down. She’s too good for me. It’s probably better she’s moving away.”

“If you’re looking to get punched in the face again, that’s a good way to go about it. Of course, she’s too good for you. There is no one on the planet that’s good enough for my sister.But if she has to be with someone. Anyone. I’m glad it’s you. You’ve been through so much and yet you keep learning. You read all those shitty self-help books. You don’t drink. You work harder at this sport than anyone I’ve ever met. And I know you’ll work harder to keep her happy than anyone else. Now that you’ve dragged your head out of your ass.”

I can’t believe it. This can’t be real. I’m not going to be able to keep both of them, am I?

“Now. We have to figure out what to do to make sure she doesn’t have to leave.”

Chapter 29

New Favorites

Cece

Working with Anna forthe last couple of days kept my mind off everything, but as soon as we hit submit, sending our work to Inx, I drop my head on my hands.

Anna screeches, jumping up and clapping her hands, but I can’t drag myself up. There’s this hollowness in my soul swallowing all the emotions. Because if I let myself feel them, I’m afraid I’ll get pulled under. It’s better to be numb.

“Cece. We did it. This is amazing. We need to celebrate.”

“I can’t. I’ve got too much to figure out.” Where I’m going to go when my father kicks me out of this house. What school I’ll end up at next year.

“Cece. I know you’re upset about Dev, and I know you’ve got some things to work out, but I think you should come out with me. Get a coffee or go for a walk to clear our heads. We can brainstorm this together.”

I don’t even lift my head off my arms, just rock it back and forth in a negative.

“Please. If we’re going to have to leave too, I’d like to spend some time with you before we all lose each other.”

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