Page 122 of Secrets, Lies and Love

“I believe you.”

“Do you really? Or was it the fear of almost losing the baby I carry that changed your mind?”

“I want this child, but I want you, especially, Cecily. A family,ourfamily.”

“I need some time to think. One of the promises I made to Keith was to never again allow anyone to give me less than I deserved. Do you know what I realized after I woke up here today, in the hospital? I still don’t know how to fulfill that promise, because any crumb of feeling people offer me, I kneel down and thank them because I don’t believe I deserve it. I love you, but I need to love myself first.”

“I don’t want you to walk away.”

“I won’t, but for now, I won’t come back to your house. I’m hurt. I can’t forget what you said: that it wasn’tmyhouse. A few days ago, your request for forgiveness would have been enough. Now, I need actions.”

“What do I have to do?”

“First of all, it’s not you, it’s me. I’ve always had an emotional crutch to lean on. My father, my toxic family, whom I thought would one day love me, Keith, and you, my Prince Charming. Even the day you sent me away, I didn’t want to go to the penthouse. I wanted to be with Elina. I need time with myself. Don’t take me away from Joseph. I want to see him at least once a week, but I don’t want to see you. I need to test myself. Knowing if what I feel for you is love or if it is the desire to belong to someone.”

“You don’t know whether you love me?”

“Not at this moment.”

Cecily

CHAPTER FIFTY-NINE

Three weeks later

“Shishiiiii, ball...”Joseph laughs, pointing to my belly, which is already rounded at this point.

He doesn’t know that in a few months he will have a sibling, but even so, I put his little hand on my belly to feel them and tell him that there is a baby inside the “ball,” as he calls it.

“The bond between you two is incredible,” Elina says. “During the short time that Sue was alive, I studied her relationship with Joseph. There was never this attachment between them.”

Joseph gets up to get a car, and I lower my tone.

“They say children sense when they are loved. From everything I know, she only saw him as a means to an end.”

The whole family knows the truth now. Before the sordid story hit the newspapers, we gathered everyone together and told it in detail. Soon after, it was reported by the media around the planet.

I thought Dionysus would hush up the scandal involving his ex-wife and Keith’s death, as well as Cage’s role in everything.

That’s not what happened, and I imagine what it must have been like for the man to be in the eye of the storm, but I’d be lying if I didn’t confess that I was pleased.

Justice has finally been served for Keith, as everyone now knows who Sue was. It doesn’t matter that they’re both dead; it’s never too late to do the right thing.

“You don’t look happy, Cici.”

“Because I’m not. Dionysus is taking the time I asked of him literally.”

“He’s respecting your space, but he’s orbiting you, if you hadn’t noticed. There isn’t a sneeze of yours that he doesn’t know about.”

“I miss him, but I don’t want to play the needy fool anymore, Elina. I value myself too little.”

“I know all about low self-esteem, friend, and I’ll tell you one thing: if loving is, above all, giving yourself the right to choose, what’s the point of sticking to a plan, proving that you can live without it, if deep down you’re suffering?”

“I don’t know what to do.”

“Don’t you at least speak on the phone?”

I shake my head, signaling no. “Just over text messages, but tomorrow I have an appointment with the obstetrician. Last time, before we separated, we didn’t get to see the sex. Maybe we’ll find out this time.”

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