Page 98 of Secrets, Lies and Love

“You don’t know anything about me.”

“What I don’t know is why you hide, but I see you.”

“You see nothing. You are just upset because you can’t accept that I’m the one who’s turned the tables and doesn’t want to tell people about us.”

If I weren’t so pissed, I’d laugh, because she’s partially right. It’s not just that, however. For the first time, I realize, I’m keeping a permanent partner by choice, and although I am sure with every drop of blood in my body that this is what Cecily wants too, there is something that prevents her from accepting it.

Suddenly it all becomes too much.

I know very little about love, because I don’t even know if it was what my father felt for my mother or if it was an obsession, but from what I know, it’s not a dance that can be performed alone.

It takes two.

“For weeks, I have been fighting my nature and trying to understand your side. I don’t want to do that anymore.”

She pales, and everything in me tells me to protect her, but I don’t move.

Cecily has to fight for what she wants.

“I don’t understand . . .”

I feel her fear, the heat of her breath. Fuck, I can almost hear her heartbeat.

Or are they mine?

“You say you love me, but you don’t even know what love is. I know I’m your first boyfriend, your first everything, but unfortunately for you, I’m not a boy. My attitudes are those of an adult man, and not even for you will I hide. If you can’t accept what you want, we’ll stop here.”

I take a step back, just as she grabs the lapels of my blazer. I could make her let go, but I wait.

“I don’t want to stop.”

“You don’t know what you want,” I accuse.

“Yes, I do. I came here.”

I was so angry when I saw Cage asking her out that I forgot we haven’t agreed on anything yet. “Why did you come?”

“Because I love you.”

I turn away, irritated, because “I love you” is not an answer.

She comes close again. “I came because I love you and also to tell you that I’m pregnant. I was afraid to tell you that day. You looked so angry. You said you would ask for custody of the baby if we didn’t stay together, and at the time, I was terrified. I’m not anymore. Not as terrified as then, at least.”

“You’re really pregnant?”

She lied, and I don’t understand why I can’t hate her for hiding the pregnancy from me for several weeks. Instead, my heart beats like my chest isn’t able to contain it.

“Say something,” she begs.

“You lied. You told me to my face that my child wasn’t there. I should hate you.”

“But you don’t hate me?”

I look at her face, still pale. The dark circles under the eyes that have always fascinated me. Freckles on fair skin.

“No. I don’t know what fucking spell you put on me, because God knows I wouldn’t forgive something like that from anyone else, but I don’t hate you, Cecily, now that you’re going to be mine forever.”

I lift her against the door, and what happens next is the result of the desire bordering on insanity that we feel for each other.

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