Page 147 of Academy of the Wicked, Year One

Even if it kills me to walk away.

The hunger burns brighter, my control slipping with each passing second. I have to leave now, before the careful façade I've built thus far crumbles instantaneously.

Because if I lose control here, it won't just be Damien who bleeds.

It will be everyone.

My resolve remains as I bite my bottom lip, knowing damn well no one is coming to save the day. To stand in my steed.

That’s not how the game works.

That’s not how this school works…

Suddenly I feel stupid.

So fucking stupid,it doesn’t matter if I’m a male amid this room full of mocking laughter.

I want to cry.

To acknowledge that this dude who barely knows me actually gathered a bucket of pee from who knows fucking wear to spill on me as some sort of joke.

It proves that they all don’t know me.

Don’t care about what I’ve dealt with and overcome.

Cassius…Nikolai…outside those dorm doors, I’m just the male disguised student at Wicked Academy, and how that makes me feel like an oblivious fool.

That I was fine with letting these men touch me…fucking bond with me when they can’t go against the rules for two seconds and show their fraternity with me?

I’m so stupid.

He used to call me that.

Stupid little bitch…

Pouring that shit on me and laughing with those friends he allowed to do whatever they wanted…

It takes everything to fight those memories threatening to surface, despite burying them for so fucking long.

I go fucking manic at their reminder as a female, so what the fuck would happen now.

Here.

Where they can all see and further ridicule me.

No.

That’s enough of all this bullshit.

They don’t deserve to see me at my weakest.

Only two have seen me to the pits of the lows.

One laughed in glee and pride…and the other embraced me as if he knew my light would flicker out at any second.

Neither of these men can give me comfort…

So I don’t need them...I won't need them.

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