Page 39 of Adam & Eve

I paused and whipped around to face him. “You saw me naked? When and how?”

No sooner had I asked the questions, I remembered the clothes I’d woken up in after he’d

taken me. The clothes I had on weren’t my own. He had to have undressed and redressed me.

He watched me, observing my face for a few seconds, then he turned and started rearranging

the plates on the table again. He ignored me like I hadn’t asked him a question.

“Are you—”

I forgot everything I was about to ask when he started humming again. That song, I knew that

song. I just couldn’t remember from where or why it was important. I just knew it was. I stood there,

listening until it hits me like a ton of bricks.

It was the song I danced to. The only song I danced to, and that was when I realized he knew.

How could he? I wondered.

Instead of asking him, I left him setting the table and went into the bathroom. In the shower, I

ran through my memories, searching them for his face and came up with nothing. I’d never seen him in

any of the places I’d danced. I would have noticed. Maybe someone told him they saw me. It wasn’t

like I hid the fact that I was dancing. As an adult I didn’t feel the need to hide or explain my actions to

anyone.

Would he ask me why I danced? Was he judging me? Was that what had put me on his radar?

Then I thought of the reason I started dancing and wondered if he knew why. Panic set in. The thought

of him knowing why was affecting me more than him knowing at all.

I didn’t want anyone to know how much Davis had hurt me, so I hadn’t told anyone about him

cheating, then breaking up with me in freshman year or about how it had twisted my view of myself.

When I thought about it, I felt stupid about that whole relationship. I had actually thought Davis loved

me.

Being with him had felt right. He was perfect and him wanting me made me feel perfect. Then

he’d cheated. The girl he left me for was my complete opposite. She was walking sexuality; exotic,

beautiful and slim. I spent nights awake wondering if he ever really loved me or my body like he said

he had. I’d even beat myself up for never having sex with him, blaming us never being intimate for the

reason he cheated on me. But after a week or so I was grateful that I hadn’t fucked him. If all it took

was physical features to sway him away from me, he wasn’t worth it. I got tired of long sleepless

nights and start going out.

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