Page 27 of King: Darker Than Romance

“I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking.” I wanted to explain myself to him. But Momma’s car horn blew outside. Both our eyes flew in the direction of the window.

Saved by the proverbial bell.

We both knew the blowing of the horn was my momma signaling that she needed help with the groceries.

King stood abruptly, knocking over the chair he had been sitting in. He took one single step in my direction. I shrugged away, drawing myself up against the headboard. He stopped, cracked his neck then turned and headed towards the door. The sound of his fist hitting the wall next to it as he exited reverberated throughout my room, causing me to jump. It took forever for my heart to slow.

I heard Momma call my name, but I ignored her. I got up, closed the door and locked it. I crawled back in bed and cried.

King: Drinking Poison Hoping She Dies

Present

After helping Ruth with the groceries, I made my way back to Eden’s room. We needed to talk. I was wrong for the way I’d reacted to hearing her news, but fuck it. Despite what she thought, I was human. I had feelings. Finding out she had killed my child had been the single most painful moment in my life. Some nights I still dreamt about the little girl that was supposed to be ours.

Standing at her door, I stopped short of knocking. She was crying, sobbing. I don’t know how long I stood at that bedroom door listening to her before I couldn’t take it anymore. I turned and walked away. I felt like shit knowing I was the cause of her tears. I had to ask myself if my anger was justified. I groaned into my hands as I made my way back to my room. I had a lot of thinking to do.

Eden: The Day I Died.

Past

King slammed into my room. His nose flared. His skin was bright red, even the tips of his ears. The look in his dark eye chilled me.

I knew he knew. Momma probably told him and his father as soon as she’d made her way downstairs. She was the last person I wanted to know, but when I passed out in class, they called her since she was my emergency contact. I was unconscious when she arrived. She’d had to sign off on my d & c. The abortion I’d had two weeks before hadn’t been done correctly and I’d gotten an infection.

When I woke up, she’d been standing over me. The first thing out of her mouth wasn’t, “Are you okay?” It was. “You happy now, that you almost fucked up your life. I knew you weren’t as innocent as you made out.” Her eyes shone bright like she was giddy. She’d been waiting for me to make a mistake. I knew she would tell everybody. When I wouldn’t tell her who the father was, she assumed that I didn’t know. I knew she would also tell that. So, I wasn’t surprised to see King. I had prepared myself mentally for it.

Besides, I was in too much pain to care about his anger and the meds I’d been given had me too out of it to feel truly afraid.

He glared at me. “Was it mine?” He started out yelling, but quickly lowered his tone. Our parents were downstairs somewhere.

He knew the answer.

One tear dropped from my eye then another.

“I couldn’t have that baby. I’m nineteen, a freshman in college. I have no money. I can’t—”

He cut me off. “I would have taken care of you and them. You didn’t even have the decency to tell me.”

I bit my tongue to keep my words from spilling out. I didn’t want to depend on him. I didn’t want to have children at all when I couldn’t take care of them myself. King’s lifestyle was dangerous, he’d end up in jail or dead. I didn’t want a child to grow up like me, without a father, searching in all the wrong places for attention.

My father had abandoned my mother and me. His actions had led me to King. And though I loved him with everything in me, I wouldn’t wish someone like him on my child. I couldn’t do it. I didn’t tell him because I didn’t want him to talk me out of what I needed to do.

I had already given up attending my dream college for him. He’d begged me not to move to Georgia and like a fool I’d given in. I felt so stupid, because I knew he would do it months before it happened.

He made his way over to the bed, leaned over, gripped my hair and dragged me up onto my knees so we were eye to eye. It felt like he would pull my hair from the roots. But I gritted my teeth and bared it. His rage was palpable and stifling I didn’t want to make it worse. Wiping tears from my cheek I stared back at him.

“I should kill you like you did my child,” he snarled at me.

I knew he wouldn’t. That would be too easy.

“From this moment on, you’re dead to me. Don’t speak to me. Don’t fucking look at me.” He gripped my chin, his nails dug into my skin. He searched my eyes. I could see that he was dying inside and needed me to say something to explain it all away. He wanted me to tell him pretty lies. Maybe say I had a miscarriage; he would pretend to believe it. But I refused.

His lips flattened out. My heart quickened. I knew he could see that I didn’t regret what I’d done. He thought him screaming and raging would make me beg for his forgiveness, beg him to give me another baby. After all the things King had done to me, he’d never begged me. I wouldn’t beg him. If he forgave me, it would be on his own volition.

His grip on my hair tightened until I whimpered. “I can’t hurt you without hurting myself. But I know Pretty Boy helped you,” he stated quietly then his voice rose. “Tell him if we cross paths it’ll be his last moment he has breath in his lungs.”

He was right. Ellis had helped me because I’d asked him to. He’d paid for the abortion and drove me to the appointment. I felt like shit because I had to ask him. If I would have just chosen Ellis and went to school, I would have never needed an abortion. I could tell he was thinking it but was too nice to say it.

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