Page 103 of The Broposal

I don’t deserve to call you mine, do I? I gave up that privilege when I said goodbye to you. Part of recovery means making amends and taking responsibility, even when it’s hard. Even when an apology can never fix the pain I’ve caused you. My counselor today told me that children often blame themselves for their parent’s addiction, but you are never to blame for this illness. I did a lot of horrible things in mysickness, but you are never to blame. I’m so sorry if you ever felt that way. You may not belong to me anymore, but you will forever be my son.

I love you.

The letter was signed with a drawing of a jellyfish.

No matter how hard I tried, I guess there were some things I could never forget.

I thought I’d forgotten her, but she was always right there. She’d never left my brain or my heart. Never could.

Just then my phone buzzed. I wiped my eyes as a little spark went off in my chest, hoping it was Kenny, ready to talk. Somehow, I felt like telling him how I felt over the phone might be easier. But when I grabbed my phone, it was only an email notification from someone named Patrice Crawford. Who the hell?

I opened it.

Dear Mr. Torres,

We have reviewed your application for the New Mexico Community College Scholarship Endowment, and we are pleased to inform you that you are the 1st place awardee, which qualifies you for a full-ride scholarship to Central New Mexico Community College.

In order for you to claim this scholarship, you must…

I skimmed the rest of the email. This had to be some kind of mistake. I never applied for a scholarship. I continued reading, to see if maybe there was some hint they’d emailed the wrong “Mr. Torres.”

Let us know when you’re available for a phone call to sort out the details. Is 555-847-0384 still the best contact phone number to reach you?

Kenny’s number.

“Papi, I have to talk to Kenny,” I said, and as soon as he nodded, I left the room and made a beeline for Kenny as quickly as I could on crutches. I opened the door to his childhood room without knocking, and a startled Kenny yelped and dropped the tux jacket he was putting on. His cell phone was squeezed between his chin and shoulder. Kenny waved me inside, but held up a finger as he finished his call.

Sorry, I mouthed as I closed the door behind me and picked up the jacket, handing it to Kenny with my eyes glued to the floor.

Kenny grabbed it with a huge grin on his face, though I suspected that grin was because of his phone call. “Thank you so much, Mrs. Frederick! I won’t disappoint you… Yes… Thanks again! Have a great day!”

Kenny hung up the phone, finally turning toward me.

“Hey, Han.” He ran a hand through his slick black hair. I stared at Kenny in his tie and white button-up, which fit just right. I blinked myself back into the moment as Kenny spoke.

“Han, I—”

“You applied for a scholarship for me?” I blurted out. I thought back to all the time Kenny had been spending on the laptop recently, and it made sense.

Kenny’s eyes widened, “Did you get it?”

I pulled Kenny into a tight hug, “I got it,” I said before pulling away. The corners of Kenny’s full lips tugged upward. I wanted to kiss them so bad.

“So what good news did you get?” I asked.

“What?”

“That call you took? You seemed all happy.”

Kenny grinned wide again. “I got promoted! I have Daniel’s old job now.Hugeraise.”

“I guess that means I get my old job back?” I sighed, partly in relief and partly in resignation. I needed that job, even though it wasn’t exactly the dream job. Still, it’d be much more enjoyable working for Kenny than for Daniel.

Kenny took my hand and sat down at the edge of the bed, pulling me over to sit next to him.

“Han, I’m not giving you your job back.”

I felt like I’d just been punched in the gut. All I could say was “What?”

---