Page 16 of The Broposal

“I’ve gotten used to it, but yeah, I do,” I admitted, trying my best to water it down with my tone.

“You never talk about that.” Kenny said it like a question.

“I don’t want anyone worrying about me.” I shrugged, still strumming to keep the vibe from getting too real. I didn’t want Kenny dealing with my problems while he was going through a breakup.

“You know I already do. Of course I worry about that.” Kenny looked hurt. I hated that look.

“We don’t have to talk about that right now,” I said. I’d much rather help Kenny deal with his Jackie issues. “You gonna be all right?”

Kenny shrugged. “I don’t know. Who evenamI without Jackie? She gets me, you know? She knows what I want and what I like and how I feel when I don’t. She even picked the curtains in my room because I couldn’t pick a fucking color!Now I’m gonna think about Jackie whenever I see the damn window.”

I didn’t know how to answer. This felt like a bigger problem than a pep talk and a pat on the back could solve. At least there was one thing easily fixed, so I went with that. “Let’s get you some new curtains, then.”

Kenny thought about it for a second before responding. “Good idea. What color do you think they should be?”

“That’s up to you. What’s your favorite color?” When we were kids, Kenny’s favorite color changed with the seasons, but back then he at least knew what he liked when he liked it.

He hesitated before responding, still not bothering to lift his head to speak. “Um, Jackie always said I look good in blue?”

I paused my strumming and looked over at Kenny, who was still hanging his head off the edge of the bed. “Can I be real with you and say something you’re not gonna like?”

Kenny finally lifted his head to look at me. “No bullshit, right? Now you have to tell me.”

“Right. I don’t know if you remember how you were before Jackie, but you weren’t likethis.”

“What do you mean?” Kenny scooted next to me so both our backs were leaning against the wall. “I’ve always been an expert at second-guessing myself. My low self-confidence isn’t a Jackie thing.”

“You might have second-guessed yourself, but you didn’t need Jackie to approve your favorite fucking color. What happened to those plushies you used to sleep with? Since when were you embarrassed to sing in the shower? You never used to care about being too loud or too weird. You’ve been scared to be yourself foryears, bro.”

“Wait, you think I’m weird?” Kenny asked, looking worried.

“See what I mean?” I couldn’t help but laugh. “You didn’t used to care about that shit.Everyone’sweird, okay? I like that you’re weird, bro,” I admitted, my cheeks warming a bit since I wasn’t usually one to hand out compliments like that. Desperate times, though.

Kenny was quiet for a while, and when he finally spoke, I almost didn’t hear him. “Periwinkle.”

The fuck?

“Uh… plubberfloop,” I added.

“Wait, what?” Kenny asked, an amused smile on his lips.

“Are we not saying made-up words?” NowIwas second-guessing myself. “I thought we were doing a thing.”

“It’s a color,” Kenny said, his grin widening. “Periwinkle…

That’s my favorite color.”

I had my doubts, so I googled “periwinkle” on my phone to find that it was, in fact, a shade of purple.

“All right. Let’s get you some periwinkle curtains, then.”

Kenny’s smile grew. “Thanks, Han.”

I nodded. It felt like the end of a conversation, but Kenny stayed sitting beside me, which I couldn’t complain about. It was nice to sometimes just sit in silence. But that wasn’t something Kenny usually did, so I knew he still had something to say. Even with the small victory we’d just had, Kenny might have needed a little push to speak his mind. He’d usually cut a conversation about his feelings short unless you let him know you were still invested. Maybe he thought he was burdening me with his problems. Probably another Jackie side effect.

“What is it?” I asked. That single question was all he ever needed as reassurance that I was still in the conversation, so he didn’t hesitate to open right back up. Kenny was an emotionalguy, and being an open book was his natural state, no matter how hard he tried to hold back for other people’s sake.

“Jackie and I were together for, like, our entire adult lives. I wanted to spend my life with her, start a family, all that. What am I supposed to do now?”

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