Page 18 of The Broposal

“You’rea catch, Han.” Kenny giggled, not moving from on top of me. “Why couldn’t I have dated someone likeyou?” I felt my cheeks go hot as Kenny rested his chin on my chest. I laughed awkwardly, cheeks still burning, with no idea how to respond.

Wait, was I being homophobic? I’d never had a problem with Kenny being bi before, but he always had Jackie. Did he basically just say he wanted to date me? I hated that my body was physically reacting to his affection despite my consciously being totally cool with his sexuality. Shit, I couldn’t let Kenny know my stomach did a somersault at the idea of him wanting to date me.

Kenny looked up at me with big watery eyes, which wrecked me. Did he notice?

“You could do better than me, bro,” I joked, trying to reassure him without letting him know I was feeling… something, about what he’d said.

Kenny shook his head. “Jackie’s not… She’s notnice. But she’s all I could ever deserve…” Kenny rolled off me and sat with his back against the wall.

“Fuck that. You deserve so much better,” I said, reluctantly giving up sleep to sit up next to him. I knew Kenny’s self-esteem was pretty low, but it felt like a sucker punch to be reminded of it so blatantly.

“You really think so?” Kenny looked genuinely confused. “Why?”

Did he really not see it? Kenny was the kindest, most sincere guy I knew. He made people feel special. Like, he would go so far out of his way to make sure everyone around him was taken care of at all times. It was the little things, too. Like those little Post-it notes he left for me, or doing my laundry when he knew I was bummed out, or how he’d drive me anywhere, just so I wouldn’t have to walk. I wanted to tell him all this and so much more, but all that came out of my mouth was “You’re good people, Kenny.”

Apparently that was enough, because he looked into my eyes with a smile. “You’re good people, too.”

My brain must have short-circuited right then, because the next thing I knew, Kenny’s lips were pressed against mine. I was so surprised at first that I leaned in instinctually. His unexpectedly soft lips made my mind go completely and blissfully blank. It couldn’t have been more than a second, but that second was split into hundreds of moments, all of them being the exact same thing. Me kissing Kenny. And in those hundreds of moments, I was completely helpless to the slow passage of that single second.

I must have been too tired to think straight. But, eventually, all those moments came to an abrupt end, and my brain caught up with my lips. I pulled away, letting out an awkward laugh.

“The hell are you doing, bro?” I said. There was no way that actually happened.

Kenny just stuck his lips out in a pout, and I was so flustered I had to quickly look away. “You don’t want to?” Kenny slurred.

“You’re drunk as hell.” I laughed, but it did nothing to alleviate the burning in my cheeks. I had to remind myself there wasno way the kiss meant anything. He was drunk. You didn’t have to have feelings or even be attracted to someone to kiss them when you were drunk.

“Hmph, you’re no fun.” Kenny sloppily rolled off the bed and onto the floor, where he began crawling out of my room. “’M gonna go to the bar…”

I let out an awkward laugh and got out of bed. Kenny could barely make it to my door, much less the bar. I walked over and tried to help him to his feet, but he was all deadweight and not helping at all.

“Carry me,” Kenny said, not bothering to open his eyes.

“Okay.” I hoped he was too drunk to notice my blush. I did my best to unfluster myself as I scooped Kenny up in my arms and carried him to his room. He rested his head on my chest with closed eyes. A fond smile escaped my lips. He felt so vulnerable in my arms like this, but there was no way I’d drop him. I wished I could protect him from more than the floor. The ghost of his lips on mine tickled my memory. I quickly shooed the thought away. He was drunk. And besides, friends kissed sometimes, right? Just because he was the first boy I’d ever kissed didn’t mean it had to be A Thing. Just because I leaned into it for a split second didn’t mean I wasn’t straight. Just because my cheeks burned and my stomach tossed in a way it never did kissing girls didn’t mean I was gay homophobic. None of it had to mean anything.

Kenny’s door was cracked open, so I only had to tap it with my foot to make it inside. I gently laid Kenny on his bed, making sure his head was safely resting on a pillow before pulling the blanket over him.

Even with his eyes closed, he looked sad, and that killed me. I hated that Jackie made him think he deserved her abuse,when he really deserved everything good in this world. Jesus, I was getting sappy.Reel it in, Han.

“Love you, Han,” Kenny mumbled before a snore escaped his lips.

He probably wouldn’t remember this tomorrow, which was good.

“Love you, too,” I said, knowing he was too deep asleep to hear.

CHAPTER SIX

KENNY

In my dreams, Jackie and I were still together. I lay on my back in her college dorm bed, and she rested her head on my chest.

“I can feel your heart beating,” she whispered, and it felt so intimate, so real. I smiled and held her closer. I’d missed this.

I leaned to kiss her forehead, but before I made contact, she pulled away and glared at me, disgust curling her upper lip.

“You’re in love with Han, aren’t you?”

“What? No! I’m in love withyou!” I wanted to pull her close again and go back to the moment of peace, but it was gone. Her voice got louder and louder.

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