Page 20 of The Broposal

“You’re not fucking useless, bro.” Han almost sounded irritated by the idea. “But if you really want to take care of something, maybe we should get you an emotional support animal or something, like Luna?”

I thought on it, then shook my head. “What if Luna got jealous? I wouldn’t want her thinking I had a new favorite.”

“Fair enough. What about… an emotional support plant? Like a succulent. I hear those are easy to take care of. We can treat it as a real adoption, like you would with a dog. You can practice making decisions, like what to name it and picking out the right plant.”

I couldn’t help but feel self-conscious. “Isn’t that a little childish?”

“Who gives a fuck? My favorite movie isCoco. Kid shit is Bibaporú for the soul.” I must have looked confused since I’d never heard the word before, so he went on. “It’s that all-healing ointment Mexican moms swear by.”

I snapped my fingers. “Oh! Vicks VapoRub!”

“My point is, youshouldbe childish. If you want to name and adopt a plant, no one’s stopping you.”

I let myself picture it. The possibilities were endless, however “childish” they may have been. “Let’s get a cactus succulent! We can dress him up and everything!”

“Hell yeah.” Han nodded. “What should we name him?”

“Hmm…” I thought for a second. I could do this. I could make a decision. “I feel like cacti have a really sophisticated vibe, but succulents are cute.”

“So, a name that’s both elegant and cute? For your cactus succulent son,” Han said before taking another sip of Fanta.

“Ourcactus succulent son,” I corrected. “You’re a part of this household, too. You can’t go skirting your responsibility! Thornelius deserves two parents!”

Han burst out laughing, Fanta spraying out of his mouth. I cracked up and threw myself on his bed to avoid getting Fanta spit on me.

It took a minute for us both to calm down. Once we caught our breath, Han stood up from his desk chair.

“All right, let’s go pick up Thornelius.”

CHAPTER SEVEN

HAN

Thornelius proved to be a great exercise in decision-making for Kenny. He handpicked a plant at Target and chose the default “outfit” he’d be wearing (a monocle and top hat). Deciding where to put him was its own struggle, though. After fussing over the perfect spot, Kenny finally decided to set him on the kitchen table. So we could have meals “as a family.”

“Luna, this is your new little brother, Thornelius!” Kenny said after situating Thornelius on the table. “Please protect and love him like a big sister should, okay?”

Luna wagged her tail in response; then Kenny’s phone dinged with what I’d now come to recognize as a Grindr notification. He glanced at his phone and bit his lip while typing something out.

“I’m gonna have a guy over,” Kenny said as he stood back up. “I was thinking I should get my rebound sex over with sooner than later so I can move on.”

I hated that Kenny talking about rebound sex made me feelanything less than happy for him. It shouldn’t have bothered me in the least. There must have been a logical reason I was feeling this way besides being jealous homophobic. The main drawback was that since I’d replaced Kenny’s blue curtains with his actual favorite color while he was at work, the first person to see his reaction to them would be some stranger he’s fucking.

Or would he be getting fucked? I wasn’t actually sure where Kenny stood with that stuff. Not that I cared, or needed to know, or was curious in any way, shape, or form.

“Do you know this guy?” I asked hesitantly.

“He’s a Grindr hookup, so, not exactly.”

“What if he’s a serial killer? Are we really cool with giving random guys our address?”

“Ah, I’m sure we could take him.” Kenny laughed and nudged me playfully, but I wasn’t sure I understood the joke. “I’m gonna shower real quick before he gets here.”

I sighed as Kenny went down the hall and into the bathroom. What the hell was wrong with me? Kenny moving on from Jackie was agoodthing. I should have been happy for him. Iwashappy for him! But I also felt… weird.

I must have been in my head about it longer than I expected because soon enough Luna started barking at someone knocking on the door.

Shit, he was already here? I’d kind of wanted to hide in my room so I wouldn’t have to deal with meeting a stranger, but Kenny was still in the shower. I groaned before dragging myself up and over to the door, not bothering to hold Luna back as I opened it. She wasn’t a biter or anything, so I wasn’t worried.

---