Page 27 of The Broposal

I wanted to enjoy the moment and savor his playful energy, but I couldn’t.

“Kenny,” I cleared my throat. “I appreciate the offer. Really. But I’m not gonna let you marry me just because you like making other people happy or to distract yourself from Jackie. This isn’t a game. It’s mylife. It’syourlife! I’m not about to let you ruin it for my sake.”

“The distraction is an added perk,” Kenny admitted. “But I wouldn’t offer if I wasn’t serious. I know this isn’t a game, Han. Iwantto do this. Just… think about it, okay?”

I took my time chewing before answering. There was no way he’d leave me alone if I didn’t give himsomething. Even if nothing came of it.

“I’ll think about it.”

CHAPTER TEN

KENNY

The next morning, my alarm had me bolting upright and throwing my comforter off. There was no time to sulk about Jackie. Not today. I jumped up and stumbled over my feet to get out of my room as quickly as possible. I scrambled into the hallway to find Han also rushing out of his own room. We shared a mischievous grin before rushing down the hall to the living room.

It wascleaning Sunday. Han and I didn’t do just any cleaning day. It was a race. A game. An opportunity to blast music and speed-clean faster than the week before… and reward ourselves with pizza if we won. I hurried to the TV and put on some music, watching Han’s face as I pressed play.

He laughed and shook his head when “Marry You” by Bruno Mars started playing. I wasted precious time serenading Han as I folded the blanket on the couch while he pretended to ignore me.

After folding the blanket, I rushed to vacuum the floor whileHan did last night’s dishes. The music was loud enough to hear over the vacuum and clinking plates. I kept singing, coaxing Han to join along, and he finally did. My future husband and I belted about drunkenly wanting to marry each other, and I let myself read into the twinkle in Han’s eyes.

After a half hour of singing, dancing, and cleaning, the apartment was spotless.

“Time!” Han stopped his phone timer, and I waited in anticipation for the results. “Fuck yeah!” Han shouted, and we ran in celebratory circles around the room whooping and cheering before doing our overly complicated celebratory handshake, which always ended with us flopping onto the couch. Beating last week’s time meant pizza, and my empty stomach was already vibrating with excitement.

Sunday was my favorite day of the week. The tradition had started back when we’d moved into our first apartment together. Living in filth was freeing for a while, because it was the first time in our lives we were allowed to. Eventually, though, our limit was beyond reached, but we could only seem to clean regularly if it was fun. Our cleaning day races were born, and we never looked back.

Han had just ordered the pizza when there was a knock on the door. I’d forgotten Leti was coming over to playSmash Bros. I glanced at Han, who was dramatically splayed out on the couch as if he’d just run a marathon and not merely cleaned an albeit messy apartment.

“Can you get that?” Han asked.

“Only if you marry me,” I teased, and Han took the couch pillow from under his head and threw it at mine. I snickered as I dodged the pillow, then opened the door, revealing both Leti and Tatiana.

“Hey, Kenny!” Tatiana pulled me in for a hug.

“Oh shit,” I accidentally said out loud. I liked Tatiana, but hadn’t she and Han just broken up? I had to think fast to save Han from the awkward encounter. “Han’s… um…”

“Tatiana! I didn’t know you were coming!” Han said from behind me, making me jump. He hugged Leti, then Tatiana, and led them inside.

Welp, if Han was okay with Tatiana being here, then I wouldn’t say anything. I couldn’t lie though, it felt weird that he was so excited to see her. I couldn’t imagine how I’d act ifJackiecame over unannounced.

I shook the thought off as Leti and Tatiana filed inside while Han set upSmash Bros. I had to admit I was glad for the distraction. Anything to keep from thinking abouther. Leti, Han, and Tatiana squeezed onto the couch while I sat with my legs crossed on the floor in front of Han. He handed me a controller, and we chose our fighters and the map, then started playing.

Unsurprisingly, I was the first to lose.

Okay, soSmash Broswas proving to be an insufficient distraction. My mind kept wandering to thoughts of Jackie, so I kept losing, no matter how hard I tried to concentrate.

Jackie and I had broken up before, but this time felt different. Final. And I knew it had to stay that way, but it still sucked. Jackie was my first. My only. What if no one else ever loved me again? Jackie definitely thought no one would—at least, she told me as much. What if I died alone because I didn’t choose Jackie over Han?

Suddenly, I got déjà vu from the night we broke up, when I’d had pretty much these exact thoughts, only drunkenly. The memory of me trying to plant one on Han flashed before my eyes for a split second before I shooed it away. No, I musthave been imagining that. Sure, I’dthoughtabout kissing Han before, like, with a mouth that smoochy-looking, who wouldn’t? But I definitely couldn’t have been drunk enough todoit, right? And if I had, it didn’t mean anything. Couldn’t. It was one thing to use a random Grindr guy as a rebound (disastrous as that attempt was), but a completely different thing to useHan. He meant too much to be a rebound, so I had to be careful with those kinds of thoughts.

“Die, Kirby!!” Tatiana shouted.

“Fuck!” Han slumped forward and threw his arms around my shoulders and neck in a loose choke hold. “Losers’ circle.”

Tatiana gave Han a playful nudge, and he let go of me to nudge her back. I couldn’t stop thinking about how cool it was that Han and Tatiana were so friendly despite being exes. I wondered if I could ever be friendly with Jackie. Then again, did I want to be? When I racked my brain, it was hard to even remember what that was like.

Even the thought of dying alone wasn’t enough to make me regret the breakup. But it still hurt. She knew I’d always struggled with depression and low self-esteem. I liked to think she was helping me through it by building me up and making me feel special, but that always came crashing down when she got mad, which was more often than I wanted to admit…

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